Pretty discouraged tonight to say the least. The blackness threatens to overwhelm and the desire to run or do something destructive is very strong. I'm writing in the hopes that I can fight it off.

My driving record was pretty good until today. I do have a rather lead foot in my car but usually not too excessive. However I got a speeding ticket today - 3rd one in my driving time and 1st one in over 7 years. (I actually can't remember the last time I actually got a ticket...the very first time I was pulled over was a few days before I left to go back for a visit overseas well over 25 yrs ago. I think that time all I got was a warning to slow down. Think the 2nd time was probably a few days before my first wedding - which means it was over 20 yrs ago. That time I did get a ticket) I've been pulled over a couple times and let off with a warning - even those have not been too frequent - maybe 2x in the last 10 yrs. Typically it seems to happen when I'm distracted and have major stuff going on in my life or I'm exhausted. I guess overall I should be thankful it was only for speeding not reckless driving or anything like that. But I have to admit to being rather distraught over it.

The past few months have been stressful but things with B's business are definitely smoothing out. He's proceeding with plans to build a bigger shop - it is much needed. He is way busier than he ever expected to be and very little of it has to do with advertising. It is mainly word of mouth and repeat customers. Most of the time the current shop is packed full with jobs in various stages of completion.

Mom is stable - seems well settled into a nursing home. Dad is adjusting to the new schedule - it's still very rough on him as now he has to drive to see her rather than being able to take public transit. His other major stress is not having sufficient help to get Mom walking regularly - she does much better with that exercise. I have been toying with the idea of making a trip north over spring break next week to see them. However both boys have plans and I'm not sure how I can fit my hopes into theirs and still be here for B and Dipstick.

Dipstick is still struggling with school. He now has 2 F's and 2 passing grades in his core subjects. So overall that is improvement. Stretch and Squirrel are doing well - just busy. Academic team competitions, track and musical practice for Squirrel while Stretch has senior stuff, NHS, musical practices and everything else he is involved in.

Going to go take care of the chickens then make supper.

Another one??

I am so angry right now I am literally shaking. Dipstick has 3 F's in 3 of his 4 core classes. The new trimester started just over a week ago. Once again he's lying about his homework - telling us it is done, not doing it...I don't know. Last Sunday night he had 1 F and a B. Now he has 3 F's.

Add to that...we found out today that our previous office girl has made ANOTHER mistake in dealing with the business paperwork. I have no idea how this one will end up affecting us... It may affect our credit and probably will affect our taxes as they were sent in with the wrong number. So far...since she was terminated/resigned/whatever...we have found major errors in our shop bank account, filing was done in a completely haphazard manner, the federal tax id # was apparently pulled out of a hat (most recent error), signed up to have orders debited directly from the checking account (which caused errors in the account also), sent in all copies of 1099 forms instead of just the copy that the govt needed and I can't remember what others. I guess it is a good thing that I can't remember the other errors. Most of them were not as major as this last one and the first one. However this time I'm ready to go knock on her door and demand to know what in the world she was thinking. She claimed to B that she had done this sort of job before, was experienced and organized and could handle it. I do understand that there is a learning curve as one starts a new job...and my method of filing was not a traditional method. However I did try and did not go barreling ahead with stuff that I really had no clue about. I at least had each month's work together in a file - even if it was not sorted as to income and expense and where each individual item went.

Honestly...I know she was under a tremendous amount of stress in her personal life. But since that was the case she either needed to admit she could not do the job or at least ask questions - make sure she had the information she needed to do it successfully. Both B and I are wondering what she did during all the hours she charged him for.

I suppose I had better go ahead and go inside. Dipstick apparently does not have all the information he needs to do his missing homework and requires my computer to look it up. Being as he is grounded again...pretty much from everything I had better get inside.

Long day today. I drove a field trip for GC - was blessed to hear the choir sing at a senior center. They actually did two back to back concerts there in different locations in the center. However I only got to hear the first one as one of the girls passed out during the last song. She is ok - did not eat properly this morning. However she needed someone to sit with her out of the chapel where the second concert was done as it was too warm for her to be in. I enjoyed the opportunity to visit with her some during that time though I missed hearing the group sing and Stretch speak. We arrived back at the high school at 2:25 and I needed to be at the middle school by 2:45 to drive my afternoon route. In the meantime I had to switch out buses and hopefully make a restroom stop. I managed both but all that combined made for a very long day.

Dipstick did a good job of making supper tonight - he asked if he could fix something. He was not interested in doing scrambled eggs and potatoes so he found a recipe, went to his grandmother's to get a couple of missing ingredients and made a good beef stroganoff for supper. I was thankful to not have to cook.

Stretch and Squirrel went to youth group after play practice. On Wednesday evenings they usually eat out as it is closer and more convenient then trying to get home to eat before church. (With the price of gas it is probably about as cheap also). Usually we have Lil Bit with us but her mom is on spring break this week and did not need a babysitter.

I am once again in the shop office typing this up as internet in the house is not working correctly. It has been raining all day - not heavy...mainly a nice light mist. However that is projected to change to snow overnight provided the temperatures drop enough. While I am weary of the cold I much prefer the lightness of snow to the dreariness and mud of rainy days.

I have not had time to continue with my project of scanning slides. I did finish the ones that I knew were Mom's family and need to transfer them to disc. I want to send a disc to an aunt who can probably do much identification of those family memebers. Dad can do some but probably not all. While I recognized my grandparents I did not try to identify them as I usually was not sure who else was in the picturs.

OK. Guess it's time to post this and head into the house to hopefully find a copy of something done for the shop. Guess I need to find my cut and paste functions on this system as that is simpler than typing things out twice.