Snow Day

Ok.....last night Son1 and I got the driveway shovelled from the top of the hill down. Overnight we had 4 inches more snow - and it's coming down again! Thankfully we initially had a 2 hour delay - I was about to bundle up to go out and start shovelling again so we could get the bus out. However just before I did that the phone rang - we officially have our first Snow Day of the year. There was much rejoicing in my house. I will still have to shovel but am going to wait until later. Both boys will be allowed to sled (inspite of Son2's cold...how can one deny a child the chance to enjoy the first time there's enough snow to sled??) In the meantime I'm enjoying my second cup of coffee and reading blogs. Will have to go do some chores soon though.

Ooops....just heard the forecast - they are saying 1-3 more inches of snow!

Shovelling and Colds

Ooooh I think I overdid it today!! Winter is finally here for real - it snowed most of the day yesterday and then started up around noon today - big fluffy flakes this afternoon and at least an inch of accumulation on top of what we already had. The boys shovelled this morning before we left for school. Then after I finished my bus route I shovelled enough around the barn to get the car out and limit the amount of ice that caused. Shovelled some more - just a bit - before I went on my bus route this afternoon. Then off to town to do grocery shopping and home to shovel the hill part of the drive again. Son1 and I got it cleared from the top of the slope down to the bottom of the hill. The flat part still needs more work done but that doesn't affect getting up and down. Now.....I'm extremely sore and stiff! and likely there will be more to do tomorrow! But we now almost have enough snow to make good sledding - and there's more forecast I think.

Son2 is down sick - hopefully only with a cold. He was up most of hte night last night - just very restless and complaining of a sore throat. His eyes are sunk in, he's willing to stay on the couch instead of helping shovel.....Last year he didn't miss any school due to illness. I'd really like to see him do that again.

Ok...off to bed after I start the dishwasher, swap laundry into the dryer.....all the mom stuff.

Cool Find

This morning I found something really cool....at least to me. I had stopped in to one of those dollar stores to try to find some little star stickers to use to help keep track of how a couple of my students on my bus are sitting...these boys are so little they can't see over the top of the bus seat if they sit all the way down - but for safety's sake that's required. Anyway...I found the star stickers that I was looking for. And I found a package of small charts with a school bus on top! I'm thrilled because that's so appropriate for my needs - it even has 25 little boxes on each of the 25 charts that will hold those stars! So I will write those students names on top of the chart and add a star for each day they sit well. Then at after every two weeks or so I'll send a note home to parents letting them know how the child is doing - and I'll have small little prizes also. Today I bought a package of rubber gecko's/lizards and a package of holographic pencils. Then I will also use bubble gum or mini candy bars. So I'm excited! (One of these boys is in kindergarden but two days a week he goes all day - those are the days I typically would have trouble with him - then he'd get really upset, start crying and completely refuse to co-operate. The other is in 1st grade and I think has ADHD or something similar. Thankfully he only rides in the am).

And my detour - while the road is not yet open - has been cancelled. My boss told me specifically that I could go through there - the water is less than has been there for weeks.

10 Years

It's been 10 years this month since we got the diagnosis that would change all our lives - actually the actual diagnosis was on 1/20/1997 - Mike's 30th birthday. We were told he had a brain tumor that looked like a glioblastoma, grade 4 - surgury was scheduled for a week later on the 27th. At that time Son1 was just over 4 and Son2 was 6 months old. God worked miracles - that tumor shrank to the size of a large grape and encapsulated - it literally rolled out into the surgeon's hand. They said they got it all and pronounced him "cured". For 18 months we had good health and believed the doctors. Then there was another tumor followed by treatment, followed by a period of good health, followed by a third tumor and a 4th. He died just over 6 years from the initial diagnosis - it was enough time for my boys to have some memories of their dad.

I'm thankful for the time we did have.....the memories we were able to make.....Having said that I'm really struggling this month and especially today. The boys have been fighting - seems like constantly - if not with each other then they are bucking me. Part of that is simply being boys and brothers....how much of it is grief? I question why I'm raising my boys alone - without a close male role model.....why I am often so lonely myself.....what could I have done differently and how......if we would have wound up as a divorce statistic instead of where we are now.....Today I struggle with seeing the positivies - instead I want to crawl into a hole and bury my head.

Detours

Well....my bus route now has a detour - makes life interesting. My "pond" across the road that I wrote about a day or two ago is now in the process of being repaired I guess - or rather the cause of the pond is being repaired. In the meantime that section of the road is closed - it sort of messes up my entire route - I was running almost 15 minutes late this morning. And who-ever put up the "road closed" barricades absolutely did not take into account the fact that there are school buses that HAVE to get through there 4x daily - they did not even leave the length of a bus between the barricades. Oh well....we will survive - there are benefits to it.

Neat thing this morning is that the sun rose a very red color....everytime I see a sunrise or sunset I think of that old saying "Red sky at night, sailor's delight; Red sky in the morning, sailors take warning." We are supposed to get flurries today - which we are. I'm waiting to see if we will get more heavier snow. In the meantime the house is very very cold even though I have the heat on.

I chose today to stay home - except for work - and try to get some stuff done around the house. I actually got back to my study on Women in the Bible - working on Sarah right now. The questions start by talking about name meanings.....this will be interesting. Sarah and Sarai both mean "princess" - appropriate for the woman who was to be the mother of nations. So now I'm looking up the meaning of my names...will have to post more on that later. I've also got caught up on folding laundry, shredding, have worked on the kitchen, watered my plants. It's been good - I did turn down one Amish run though I could have used the money. I felt that staying home and working on the house would be better for all of us in the long run - I'd be better able to deal with the boys and much less grumpy. I do have a run lined up for Saturday afternoon - that will be good.

Ok....I've been on the computer long enough - time to get off and go contine working on tidying up.

Finally Snow & Stuff

We finally had snow over the weekend - it was wonderful. Unfortunately alot of it seems to be melting off already tho it's only 28' out. Probably much of that is because the roads are getting cleared off. I was surprised that we did not have a 2 hour delay this morning - the roads were kind of rough for my bus route. While it wasn't slick all over, the areas that were slick were quite bad....to the point that even though I started stopping early I still slid past my students. Our "pond" that crosses the road was not thoroughly frozen over - still had water to drive through though the area of water was considerably smaller than it's been. I know ice expands so it will be interesting to continue to follow that to see if it completely freezes over.

On another note....I feel like I actually accomplished some stuff this morning. I had my chiropractic appointment after my bus route, then to the bank to take care of business there - that got more complicated than expected. From there it was to the electric company to pay part of that bill then home to shovel some more. (The boys and I had spent close to 30 minutes this morning before we left the house shovelling the driveway). I didn't do much shovelling this time though - put some de-icer over parts that we had already shovelled and then did the sidewalk. I've also started a load of laundry, got meat out for dinner and committed to being a financial accountability partner with a very close family member.

Now if only I could get the "burnt" smell out of the microwave! I watched a friend's boys this weekend - we were having Sunday lunch - leftovers. He wanted his pizza warmed so I told him to put it in the microwave for 30 sec. then went to continue taking care of what I was doing. What I neglected to do was to make sure he understood how to use the microwave - something both my boys know how to do quite well. Long story short - we ended up with a fire in the microwave and LOTS of black smoke throughout the house. While the microwave still works adequately it seems that whatever we put in it accquires a "burnt" smell and taste. Yikes!

Weather

Yesterday was a beautiful sunny cold day - sunny enough that I needed sunglasses for the first time in what seems like weeks! It was wonderful. We also saw 32 deer yesterday morning on the bus route - after not seeing any the day before! Today it's supposed to be warmer and possibly snow showers. It certainly is already grey and cloudy outside again - we are all tired of the rain around here - everyone I talk to pretty much says they've had enough. I've been running pretty much all week - drove a field trip yesterday - can't remember what I did Monday and Tuesday. However it certainly wasn't staying at home cleaning! I am still praying for snow - and a cold enough spell that is long enough to kill bugs, viruses, etc.

The boys have been doing better this week - Son2 is very excited about the fact that we will have 2 extra boys in the house this coming weekend. I'm looking forward to a more quiet weekend - I certainly won't be doing any Amish runs. Maybe I'll actually have time to scrap or stitch.

In the meantime I'd better go for now - we had a 2 1/2 hour delay for teacher improvement this morning and it's getting to be time to be getting out of the house.

Place of Safety

How do you make it so that home is a safe peaceful place - where if you need to be sad or angry it's ok but so that primarily it's a place for relaxing and of emotional and physical safety?

At the moment I'm completely discouraged and to the point of dreading times that the boys are off school because it seems like they fight all the time. And it's not only verbal fights but they can get physical with each other. I don't know how to fix that and make it so it isn't that way. I know that part of the fighting is because they are siblings and 3 1/2 years apart - something I wanted to avoid. I remember when my sister and I fought as kids - it seemed constant. We were close enough in age - not quite 3 years apart - to have some common interests and far apart enough for me to want my own space and time. And I always felt like she was better than me at stuff which didn't help. Anyway due to those memories I always said I wanted my own kids to be either 2 years apart or 5 or more years apart - it didn't happen that way. And now I'm seeing some of the same stuff I went through as a kid and I feel completely helpless. Son 2 is definitely a "high maintance" child - needs someone to play with, doesn't enjoy playing or being alone and does not self-entertain well. I find myself frustrated at times because I don't get stuff done when he's awake because he "has" to have me with him. Son1 is old enough to be involved in outside activities and is very involved.

Of course it would help if I managed to keep my schedule more clear so that I'm home to accomplish stuff during the day - then I would feel more free in the evenings to "entertain" Son2. It's especially difficult because Son2 does not have outside activities yet and because there is no one else to attend Son1's activities.

Ok...enough rambling. Prayers and encouragement would be appreciated for those who read this - and if anyone has any suggestions that would be nice. Thanks for listening to me as I admit this is a depressing post.

Slides & Colds

Just got up not long ago from another nap - have taken one nearly every day this week. Today's thankfully was shorter - maybe I'm finally catching up. But now I'm beginning to feel like I'm catching a cold - Yuck. Oh well....lots of fluids and hopefully homemade chicken soup.

I finally figured something out that I didn't know before - a slide is a positive image rather than a negative. That explains why I was having trouble scanning slides that looked perfect - I had the scanner set wrong. So now I expect to be able to make progress on getting Mom and Dad's slides scanned and onto disk. I will work on that some today - as well as trying to pick up the house a bit. Tonight we have grief group - I'm looking forward to that.

Loneliness and depression have been struggles lately - not sure why - having very odd dreams. The other day when I was feeling the worst remembering that God has a plan for my life
(Jer. 29:11) did help. I just wish that I could get a glimpse of what He has planned - right now I feel more like I'm just plugging along with no goals. It doesn't help that I often don't feel worthy of being loved again (by a man) yet the longing is there to not be physically alone. (I don't know how to phrase what I'm trying to say).

Man-Child

Today I realized that my 14 yr old Son1 can truthfully no longer be considered a "boy-child". He is rapidly moving into the realm of manhood and therefore must be considered a man-child. We are having company in this weekend - brother-in-law and his family - they will only be able to stay from sometime late tonight until sometime tomorrow afternoon so there is very little time for visiting. (We generally only get to see them a couple of times a year - it's been more than 6 months since we were last together) I had thought that because there was such a short time for visiting - and because we were going to celebrate Christmas while they were here - we would likely all skip church to spend the time together. (Brother-in-law is very much like my husband was - not one to visit other churches). However Son1 has said that because he is part of the worship team and was at practice this past Tuesday night he would definitely be going to church - he said that this is one of the sacrifices that sometimes goes along with the commitment he made two years ago when he joined the worship team.

I am proud of him - very thankful for his commitment. At the same time I wish we had a longer time with his aunt and uncle and cousins to visit - and more time all together as a family. I really really hate rushed visits. And it's rather difficult to face how rapidly he is growing up.

Computer Frustration - Dell

Today so far feels like one of the most unproductive days I've had. I spent 30 minutes on the phone with Dell (again!!!!) and hope that I finally have things resolved. Last time I called them and actually talked to them (I hung up one time) I was on the phone 1 hour and 40 minutes!!! And they still sent me the 2nd wrong battery for my laptop - at least it does not match what is currently in there. So I'm giving up - I don't want any more batteries from them. I will either live with it as is or upgrade/replace parts elsewhere. At least whil,e I was on the phone I set up my filing system for this year - for bills and receipts, etc. Now I just have to keep up with it. I also took a nap this morning - had a tough time driving my bus route so figured I'd better sleep so I could handle this afternoon. I do feel better now - will leave in a few minutes for my afternoon route so that I can hopefully get a walk in before I load.

Yesterday was an absolutely beautiful day - sunny and not too cold (except in the morning). There was a heavy frost on the bus and black ice on the ground in spots but the moon was out making it very light out. It was so cool. To top it off we saw 30 deer on the morning route and 4 on the afternoon route - right at the very end. And I saw 3 in the morning before I actually had any students on the bus. Yesterday I got my work-table cleared off as well as some generalized cleaning elsewhere int he house.

Better go for now - not ready to leave yet and it's already started sprinkling. I may not get my walk.

2007

I can hardly believe it's already 2007 - seems like the older one gets the faster time goes (and realistically the less one seems to accomplish). School starts back up again tomorrow - I think I'm glad. We were all a little grumpy today - Son2 complained about being bored. However he did read part of one of his Tin-Tin comics tonight - after I started reading it first. Son1 did a really nice job on cleaning up his room today - I suspect the closet isn't done but the rest of the room looks nice. He will soon be getting some shelves to hang on the walls in there. He's started a collection of airplanes and needs some place to store them. Son2 worked on his room some also - it looks better. I've yet to get the craft room and my room done (again!). If one were a camera instruction manual where would one hide?

Ok...enough ramblings - time to finish up and get to bed.

Safely Home

Well we are safely home - exhausted but safely home. It rained most of the way home which made driving interesting. And we left way later than we should have - but it was worth it. We arrivied home at about 4:30 am this morning. Then I did an Amish run - then slept for about 4 hours - then back to finish the run. So....now I'm going to go to bed. Unpacking, laundry, processing, etc will wait until tomorrow. And i will be boring and will not wait up for the New Year to come in.

Travel Plans

Well the decision has been officially made to not leave on our trip until very early Thursday morning. Hopefully it will save us $ in that we won't be staying in a hotel on the way down. Also hopefully it will mean that I'm a little less stressed. We will likely still do two "sit down" meal stops - fast food just doesn't cut it when I'm driving. I'm still doing laundry and trying to clean. The frustrating part is that Son2 has been exceedingly difficult this week - refusing to go to bed, refusing to do chores, pitching tantrums....the list could go on. During these times he creates much more work which is not something I need when I'm trying ot get ready for a trip.

I wonder if some of Son2's behavior issues are related to the fact that we haven't been back to OK since we moved a year after Hubby died - we will hopefully be seeing friends that we haven't seen in some time. I know that I have some nerves about it - am anxious to see friends but also abit nervous about it. I don't really know what to expect in "undealt with" issues and memories. I'm very tired again tonight - and having odd dreams so not sleeping overly well.

He Made Clothing for Them

I just recently started a new devotional study called "Women of the Bible". The study is written by Ann Spangler and Jean E Syswerda and literally is a 52 week study - Monday to Friday. Anyway....I've had the book for awhile now and finally decided that I would never start it at the beginning of the year so would just start it - and take as much time as I needed with each lesson. So yesterday I was working on day 3 on Eve. One of the questions asked was "What is the first thing God does for Adam and Eve after He declares their punishment?" The Scripture to go to for the answer was Gen. 3 :20-24 which I guess I'll quote below.

"Adam names his wife Eve, because she would become the mother of all the living. The Lord God made garments of skin for Adam and his wife and clothed them. And the Lord God said "The man has now become like one of us, knowing good and evil. He must not be allowed to reach out his hand and take also from the tree of life and eat and live forever." So the Lord God banished him from the Garden of Eden to work the ground from which he had been taken. After he drove the man out, he placed on the east side of the Garden of Eden cherubim and a flaming sword flashing back and forth to guard the way to the tree of life."

It said that "the Lord God made garments of skin for Adam and his wife and clothed them." Wow this really stood out to me - the first thing that God did for Adam and Eve - after he had declared their punishment was to provide clothing for them - and likely, though we are not told this - food also. It brought to mind just how much God loves and cares for us - He has promised to provide all we need. This is something I need to remember - especially when I stress over finances and getting things done.

Ok...I've probably repeated myself enough but it was a new insight for me. I need to scoot - this day is not a overly productive day here at home - I've gotten a haircut and done an Amish run which I need to go finish. Tonight we have grief group - our only time this month and I have some shopping to do in "the city". Tomorrow I need to have my gift bags for my kids on the bus finished as well as do another Amish run. Then there's packing, jam to make (to take with), gift wrapping and all the other things to take care of that's required before one takes a trip.

Monday

Ok....I only have a few minutes to type this. I spent most of the morning mixing up cookies and actually baking most of one batch. I got one load of laundry washed and into the dryer, the other one is still in the washer. Dinner is in the crock pot - I'm trying a new recipe that is supposed to be oven baked. However I've read/heard somewhere that most things that need baking can also be done in the crockpot so we will see how it turns out. I did remember to decrease the water the recipe called for - and left out the veggies. I will serve those on the side. I've also folded laundry, made a dentist appointment - to get my broken, very dead tooth looked at, and chatted on the phone. So...it's been a pretty productive morning. I needed to take time to work on the Bible study I've started - guess I will take that with me tonight when I go to watch a friends' little ones. My boys will stay home - hopefully reading in bed by the time I leave and I shouldn't be out really late.
In the meantime snow is coming down again - jsut flurries but it's extremely cold. Son1 wants enough snow to sled down our hill. Son2 would enjoy sledding but says he doesn't want the snow. That makes me laugh as one can't have one without the other. Friends in OK are out of school for the 3 day simply because the roads are still too icy and unsafe. On the one hand, it would have been nice to have a snow day this week (or last) ....on the other hand, I'd be going absolutely stir crazy if we were all home due to snow.
Better go - got to leave soon for bus driving this afternoon. AT the moment I'm not really looking forward to it but at least it's not pouring rain.

Describe "aggressively"

So I'm coming home from "the city" on a major east/west highway in pouring rain that's beginning to look like freezing rain. The lights are all green as I'm going through town - as long as I stay in the left lane. As soon as we are past the area where semi-trucks have to stay in the right lane I have a large red semi pull out into the left lane behind me and starts tailgating me. He continues to crowd me all the way out of town (until I turned off the highway to go home) - even flashing his high beams at me trying to get me to move over to the right lane. My thoughts were that it was raining too hard and there was too much traffic to my right for me to get over - especially as my turn-off was on the left - and I was doing the speed limit as it was. As I turned left and he sped off I was able to get his liscense plate and words off the side of the cab to call in. I get ahold of the sheriff's office and the dispatcher says "describe aggressively" after she hears part of my tale. She also asked how fast I was going - 60 mph. Once she heard that she thanked me for calling it in. So I won't ever know if the truck got pulled over or not but I figure I did my part to attempt to avert an accident. In the meantime I'm amused at the dispatcher's questions and very very thankful I was able to make it safely home.

Naps and Bus Routes

I took a much needed nap this morning - had a stack of stuff I needed to get done but realized that a nap was much more important. I fell much better now - and have actually got one coffee table straightened. I certainly won't get everything done that I needed or wanted to get done - however I fell better about life in general after that nap. I've not been sleeping well nor have I been getting enough exercise - I know it's affecting me severely mainly in my emotions but also with my weight. I'm not sure how to better organize myself and time to help resolve those issues. It seems like one of those endless circles.

My bus route went well this morning - we only saw 4 deer. That's got to be a record low number - especially as they were all in a group together. I know there had to be more out but it was fairly dark this morning and misting so the roads were abit slick, etc. However I had everyone except 2 of my regular morning riders so that was good. I was able to get down that "closed" road to get my stops down there so I should also be able to get them home tonight. I still wish the county guys had put the signs further apart but on the other hand it's very much a fun challenge to snake the bus through and not hit anything when there's not enough room. I'll be glad when the road is officially opened though - it's not a road I could back out of and there really aren't any good turn-arounds except the one I use.

OK...better scoot to get abit more done and get cleaned up.

So.......

....those 6 kids I picked up this morning - apparently the regular driver waited at that stop for 7 minutes and they didn't come out. She has time issues with the daycare lady on a regular basis. So she's now upset with me for completely screwing things up. I'm thinking if that was the case it would have been nice for someone to let me know - I unwittingly would not have walked into that situation. My afternoon did not start off well.

Then on my route there's one road that supposedly was being closed completely - transportation did not know. One family took care of getting their kids picked up but the other two did not. And we did not have good phone #'s for either one of the later. So I had to squeeze between 2 road closed signs that barely had one bus length between them and deliver these kids. I feel really bad for the family that took care of picking up their own kids - they didn't have to do that if the proper communication had occurred. And to make matters worse - apparently the work was not done at all today - it's supposed to be completely closed tonight. So....I have no idea what to expect in the morning.

Different Day

Wow....what a morning. I feel discombobulated again.....we had a 2 1/2 hr delay this morning due to teacher inservice - the only thing extra that got accomplished was a little extra sleep and 3 of the 4 boxes of Christmas "stuff" got back out to the shed. And to top it off - as I'm coming home I see 6 students that apparently all missed their bus so I picked them up and drove them all the way back to school. They were all daycare kids - and apparently their daycare person had a dentist's appointment so she left. There was apparently someone else supposed to be in charge but I'm guessing that person didn't know what time the bus was supposed to come. Anyway it meant that instead of 3 hours or so at home I've only got 2 1/2 or less.

However the Christmas tree is up and decorated! Yeah! This year we are using a 4 ft tree instead of a 6ft or taller one. It made it much easier to decorate - I had the kids choose 10 ornaments each to put on it - and then I chose a few from my collection. Unfortunately I wasn't able to put any of the heavier porcelain ones on it - that's disappointing because a few of those are ones that about the meaning of Christmas - One shows baby Jesus in a crown and another shows Him in a half globe. I forget the titles though. Anyway it sure was nice to be able to put the lights on by myself and then have the kids do "their" part in 30 minutes or so. And I think taking it down will be much easier also which will be nice. The ornaments I did put on the tree are mostly ones that were handmade and/or gifted to me by kids off my buses or friends.

Today thankfully is nice and sunny and unseasonably warm......it's supposed to cool off but I think tonight I'm going to try to have the kids help me get some branches gathered up so we can use them for firewood. In the meantime I guess I'd better go write a couple of emails and then get the kitchen cleaned and the pantry picked up. I would like to finish the little bit of Christmas shopping I have left to do this week also.