Catch-up Part 1

Wow...I haven't written since spring break. Time has flown by - and much has happened. Not even sure where to start...guess maybe I will work backwards(?)

To start with my new computer crashed - with hundreds of photos on it that were not backed up. It has been in the shop since Monday and I'm still waiting on a call telling me how bad the damage is and if stuff will be able to be recovered. I am typing this entry on the shop computer - hiding out in a dark office enjoying the peace and quiet. The only sounds are the clicking of the keys, the ticking of the clock and the hum of the computer fan.

Graduation for Stretch was last Friday night June 10th. So very proud of him and his accomplishments - at the same time sad as he will soon be leaving home for college. Graduation was beautiful - and appeared to go very smoothly. I took lots of pictures - and promptly downloaded them onto the computer. The funniest part of that day was seeing Stretch's car completely wrapped in Saran* wrap - and his face when he got to see it. A group of his friends got together and did it. They also did a nice job undoing it.

We had a brief visit with Mike's parents over graduation and a slightly longer one with Lara and boys. It was so nice to see them.

Saturday morning after graduation both Stretch and Squirrel ran in a 5K in town here. It was a fund-raiser for a non-profit organization a friend of ours is involved in starting up. Anyway...there was a 5K and a 10K walk/run. Squirrel took first place overall in the 5k and Stretch took 4th. That was fun to watch and exciting to have them do so well. (There were a total of 63 participants so not huge but good for them. Squirrel decided he needs to train more before he runs another one). After that we had brunch and saw Lara and boys headed back to Chicago. Am really hoping they will be able to come out for a few days later this summer though that's still up in the air. Dipstick was at a boy scout camp-out from Friday night through late Saturday evening.

Sunday afternoon was an Open House at our church for Stretch and 3 other graduates (the others were all from a different school district) It went very well and everyone seemed to have a good time. Stretch had some of his closer friends come home with him for the evening - that was fun as the weather was beautiful for them to play outside for some time.

At the moment...Monday is a blur. I don't have any recollection of what we did. Oh yes...Monday was clean the bus day and take the computer in. Tuesday Squirrel was to have an appointment with his pediatric cardiologist. Instead I ended up taking him to the family doctor as he had another lump under his arm, had a mild case of sun poisoning and I wanted the glued place on his forehead checked as he said he could squeeze white junk out of it. Doc said the glued place was healing fine - just needed a bit more time. Sun poisoning could be treated with benadryl and aloe lotion - he did not recommend that he go on the water park trip scheduled for tomorrow. However when doc saw the lump under his arm he said the water park was out - the lump had to be lanced and the wound kept open for a couple days. So we are dressing that 3x daily and he's back on antibiotics. Today he is definitely feeling better - not 100% though. I have questions that so far have no answers. Currently the opinion is that "some people just tend to get these" and there's not much that can be done to prevent them. So Squirrel and I will experiment and see what we can learn.

Today two of Stretch's friends came over to help take down the tin on the inside of the shop. Stretch, Dipstick and Stretch's friends put in a good days' work out here. B is getting ready to put a large addition on the shop. We have spent weekends for the past couple of months moving the wood pile, emptying and tearing down the old shop and garage and pulling out a large walnut and 2 dead apple trees. It has been a lot of work - hard physical labor mostly. We even moved the chicken coop down to the end of the yard and I spent several nights outside with Dipstick chasing and catching chickens to put them back in the coop. (They are fairly easy to catch when they are roosting and I've got fairly comfortable carrying them upside down by the legs. It was pretty funny the one night I had Stretch help as well as Dipstick! He wasn't so comfortable carrying wing flapping chickens by the legs). I had not planned on putting up a new fence until the chicken coop was in it's final home. However since they will persist in completely wandering the yard I have decided a fence is necessary. And I'm kind of hoping that B will agree to keep them down there - I enjoy the walk and they are further from the house.

The last couple of weeks of school were crazy busy - think there were 3 weeks in a row that I was out every weeknight doing something - band concerts, choir concerts, awards ceremonies...One of the evenings was spent attending a zoning board meeting for B's shop - he needed variances to put up the addition and to have the business here. It was a really interesting evening as I'd never been to something like that before. The guys on the board had obviously done their homework - visiting the different sites that were being discussed. I felt like I learned a lot and was glad I went with B.

The computer repair place just called - said the reason it would not boot up was because there was a cd in the dvd drive. They offered to refund the diagnostic fee and not go any further. However I figured since it was in there they might as well go ahead and run the diagnostics to make sure there is nothing else wrong with it. I will be able to go pick it up tomorrow. I am excited - that means I won't have lost any pictures. Just have plenty to back up.

Guess I will stop for now. Eventually I need to write about the boys' awards and final concerts. Thankfully I don't have to drive the trip to the water park tomorrow - there was another driver willing to take it over. I probably would have enjoyed going but with planning a trip north to leave Saturday and Squirrel not getting to go I didn't see much point in driving it.

Still here

I am still here...just been busy and struggling some. We are on spring break this week and I'm hoping to accomplish a few things around the house...and lots of rest. Of course that is dependent on my not spending all my time running parts this week.

Squirrel has started the week off sick (or ended last week depending on how you look at it). He came down with a bad case of strep throat. I took him into the after hours center Saturday and he got antibiotics. However I suspect he didn't keep the first dose down. But he wasn't feeling like he could handle his planned trip to DC so didn't go. I am very disappointed for him - and today he is feeling well enough to regret not going. However it would have been a rough trip (though fun) since he wasn't 100%.

Dipstick still has 2 F's in his school work. That is a major frustration to me as I know he is capable of doing very well in school. He just does not care enough - even when he does not get to do things that are fun. He will spend most of this week working in the shop - that's something he usually enjoys. When the weather is decent he and Stretch will be working to move the woodpile to the north end of our property in preparation for adding on to the shop.

Stretch has plans to spend part of the week with a friend - part of the time here at home and part at his friend's house. In his free (??) time he will work on his research paper that makes up 50% of his grade for his senior language class. He has picked a challenging topic.

I'm hoping to work on a t-shirt quilt, scrapbooks and basic cleaning. Time to scoot...have spent enough time on the computer

Pretty discouraged tonight to say the least. The blackness threatens to overwhelm and the desire to run or do something destructive is very strong. I'm writing in the hopes that I can fight it off.

My driving record was pretty good until today. I do have a rather lead foot in my car but usually not too excessive. However I got a speeding ticket today - 3rd one in my driving time and 1st one in over 7 years. (I actually can't remember the last time I actually got a ticket...the very first time I was pulled over was a few days before I left to go back for a visit overseas well over 25 yrs ago. I think that time all I got was a warning to slow down. Think the 2nd time was probably a few days before my first wedding - which means it was over 20 yrs ago. That time I did get a ticket) I've been pulled over a couple times and let off with a warning - even those have not been too frequent - maybe 2x in the last 10 yrs. Typically it seems to happen when I'm distracted and have major stuff going on in my life or I'm exhausted. I guess overall I should be thankful it was only for speeding not reckless driving or anything like that. But I have to admit to being rather distraught over it.

The past few months have been stressful but things with B's business are definitely smoothing out. He's proceeding with plans to build a bigger shop - it is much needed. He is way busier than he ever expected to be and very little of it has to do with advertising. It is mainly word of mouth and repeat customers. Most of the time the current shop is packed full with jobs in various stages of completion.

Mom is stable - seems well settled into a nursing home. Dad is adjusting to the new schedule - it's still very rough on him as now he has to drive to see her rather than being able to take public transit. His other major stress is not having sufficient help to get Mom walking regularly - she does much better with that exercise. I have been toying with the idea of making a trip north over spring break next week to see them. However both boys have plans and I'm not sure how I can fit my hopes into theirs and still be here for B and Dipstick.

Dipstick is still struggling with school. He now has 2 F's and 2 passing grades in his core subjects. So overall that is improvement. Stretch and Squirrel are doing well - just busy. Academic team competitions, track and musical practice for Squirrel while Stretch has senior stuff, NHS, musical practices and everything else he is involved in.

Going to go take care of the chickens then make supper.

Another one??

I am so angry right now I am literally shaking. Dipstick has 3 F's in 3 of his 4 core classes. The new trimester started just over a week ago. Once again he's lying about his homework - telling us it is done, not doing it...I don't know. Last Sunday night he had 1 F and a B. Now he has 3 F's.

Add to that...we found out today that our previous office girl has made ANOTHER mistake in dealing with the business paperwork. I have no idea how this one will end up affecting us... It may affect our credit and probably will affect our taxes as they were sent in with the wrong number. So far...since she was terminated/resigned/whatever...we have found major errors in our shop bank account, filing was done in a completely haphazard manner, the federal tax id # was apparently pulled out of a hat (most recent error), signed up to have orders debited directly from the checking account (which caused errors in the account also), sent in all copies of 1099 forms instead of just the copy that the govt needed and I can't remember what others. I guess it is a good thing that I can't remember the other errors. Most of them were not as major as this last one and the first one. However this time I'm ready to go knock on her door and demand to know what in the world she was thinking. She claimed to B that she had done this sort of job before, was experienced and organized and could handle it. I do understand that there is a learning curve as one starts a new job...and my method of filing was not a traditional method. However I did try and did not go barreling ahead with stuff that I really had no clue about. I at least had each month's work together in a file - even if it was not sorted as to income and expense and where each individual item went.

Honestly...I know she was under a tremendous amount of stress in her personal life. But since that was the case she either needed to admit she could not do the job or at least ask questions - make sure she had the information she needed to do it successfully. Both B and I are wondering what she did during all the hours she charged him for.

I suppose I had better go ahead and go inside. Dipstick apparently does not have all the information he needs to do his missing homework and requires my computer to look it up. Being as he is grounded again...pretty much from everything I had better get inside.

Long day today. I drove a field trip for GC - was blessed to hear the choir sing at a senior center. They actually did two back to back concerts there in different locations in the center. However I only got to hear the first one as one of the girls passed out during the last song. She is ok - did not eat properly this morning. However she needed someone to sit with her out of the chapel where the second concert was done as it was too warm for her to be in. I enjoyed the opportunity to visit with her some during that time though I missed hearing the group sing and Stretch speak. We arrived back at the high school at 2:25 and I needed to be at the middle school by 2:45 to drive my afternoon route. In the meantime I had to switch out buses and hopefully make a restroom stop. I managed both but all that combined made for a very long day.

Dipstick did a good job of making supper tonight - he asked if he could fix something. He was not interested in doing scrambled eggs and potatoes so he found a recipe, went to his grandmother's to get a couple of missing ingredients and made a good beef stroganoff for supper. I was thankful to not have to cook.

Stretch and Squirrel went to youth group after play practice. On Wednesday evenings they usually eat out as it is closer and more convenient then trying to get home to eat before church. (With the price of gas it is probably about as cheap also). Usually we have Lil Bit with us but her mom is on spring break this week and did not need a babysitter.

I am once again in the shop office typing this up as internet in the house is not working correctly. It has been raining all day - not heavy...mainly a nice light mist. However that is projected to change to snow overnight provided the temperatures drop enough. While I am weary of the cold I much prefer the lightness of snow to the dreariness and mud of rainy days.

I have not had time to continue with my project of scanning slides. I did finish the ones that I knew were Mom's family and need to transfer them to disc. I want to send a disc to an aunt who can probably do much identification of those family memebers. Dad can do some but probably not all. While I recognized my grandparents I did not try to identify them as I usually was not sure who else was in the picturs.

OK. Guess it's time to post this and head into the house to hopefully find a copy of something done for the shop. Guess I need to find my cut and paste functions on this system as that is simpler than typing things out twice.

5 inches...School Delay and stuff...

5 inches of snow back on the ground and we are already on a 2 hour delay for tomorrow morning. Often when a delay is called the night before we don't even go to school. The snow is prettier than the grey cold mucky mud we had by the end of last week. But it was rather nice to be driving on dry roads. Thankfully we had today off already so don't have to make it up. Dipstick had another snow day today...mainly due to ice, freezing rain and sleet this morning. That was all before the snow started.

Things around here have been crazy busy again. Saturday I drove bus for Gospel Choir - they attended the state ISSMA competition. They did really well - took gold. Lots and lots of people...and I had to park the bus a long ways away. Thankfully this year we had sunshine even though it was cold. Last year I drove down in snow. It makes for a very long day. (Driving 6 days last week means I'm doubly grateful to have today off - it gave me a chance to begin to catch up on laundry and other house chores).

Things have settled down slightly in relation to Stretch's musical. The girl who originally had the lead part quit so there's still changes going on. Squirrel was out of school a full 5 days. He ended up at the doctor a week ago - bronchitis and sinus infection. Dipstick came home sick this past Thursday - he was out Friday as well but will be going back the next day he has class.

One of the reasons last week was so busy was that I ended up spending a lot of time doing shop stuff - either running parts or doing paperwork. We are still looking for a different book-keeper - probably be another couple of weeks yet.

More...

Squirrel is ill now...I got a call from the school yesterday to come pick him up. That is the first time since we lived in OK that I've had to pick him up during the day I think. Even then it wasn't because he'd gone to the nurse - it was usually because he'd tossed his cookies. Usually if he makes it to school he is there all day. He is running fever and fighting a headache and sinus junk.

I am off this afternoon - attending a funeral with B. It will be rough on B and Dipstick both. Stretch will meet us there...and then return to school immediately after for play practice.

Speaking of play (musical) practice there is apparently a huge uproar over one of the students who did not get a part. She has had parts in the past but this year they are afraid she would get hurt during set changes. (She is special needs and requires an aide with her most of the time - as well as being a senior) Of course the people who don't like the school system are really all over this. I feel sorry for the other kids involved...and sad for Stretch and the girl who has the lead female role. Not sure how to phrase my feelings beyond that.

We still have snow on the ground - I am loving it though not the bitter cold that we've also had. My feeling basically is that deep snow (2ft+) on the ground for an extended period of time is what winter is supposed to be like. And I've felt all along that if it is supposed to be winter and is cold we might as well have snow on the ground.

On a different note...I am learning once again that most humans have a tendency to go back and prod a hurt spot simply to see if it is still sore. I know I certainly do. Without saying too much...I've lost a friendship that I worked hard to keep strong. I made some mistakes in the relationship - especially when the other party involved started working for my husband. However I attempted to keep the work relationship separate from the friendship and to discuss stuff in an adult manner. But she has said some stuff that imply an intimacy with my husband that is not acceptable. Prayers would be appreciated.

Randomness

* 3rd snow day in a row for tomorrow
* At least 10 inches over the last 2 days - not counting the ice
* Still under a Level 1 Snow Emergency until 7 am tomorrow morning
* Planning to go sledding tomorrow - once snow emergency levels have been lifted
* Hubby is ready for boys to go back to school
* 2 of 3 boys are ready to go back to school

* Hubby and Stretch are both recovering (recovered) from the sinus infection/flu/bronchitis
* No one else has it - yet
* Waking up with a blinding headache means one does not accomplish much
* Copious amounts of coffee, water and pain meds helped
* Tomorrow I will not sleep so late in hopes I don't wake up with a headache

* Have realized I am an "out of sight, out of mind" person in regards to my craft supplies
* Have recently found some neat stack-able bins that will hold my rubber stamps so I can see them all at a glance
* I need some more of said bins
* And more shelves
* Or less hobbies
* Scanning slides has not happened in a couple of weeks - not as interesting when I can't identify the people and places. All I know is they are related to Mom

* Boys taught me the computer game "Mahjong" and it is very addictive
* It is also fun

* We have eaten through a batch of peanut butter cookies and have a double batch of another kind to bake
* Baking is a comforting thing to do when one can't go anywhere due to snow
* This is an exceedingly random blog post BUT at least it's a post
* I have not kept up on reading blogs...

Hiding out in the shop office again...no tv, no music, no one else out here. The only sounds are the clicking of my fingers on the keyboard, the tick tock of the clock and the hum of the heater behind me. It is peaceful at the moment.

Outside the snow is thawing some...though it is still cold. Wood needs brought into the house for the fire - the big woodbox on the front porch needs it's weekly fill-up. I am so thankful for a husband who has made sure there is plenty of wood cut and stacked for our use this winter. Even though he is frustrated because we've not been able to be out cutting to replenish our supply we have plenty right now.

Stretch is inside trying to rest. He's been down with the flu this week and has missed some school. He was hoping to be well enough to sing with Gospel Choir at church tomorrow. Unfortunately that's not going to happe - he is questioning his ability to return to school on Monday right now. Thankfully no one else has gotten sick.

Squirrel is inside hopefully taking a much needed nap. He rather got up on the wrong side of the bed and has not been at his best today. He will be filling the woodbox when he wakes up. I am hoping for an improved attitude however.

Dipstick has gone with his dad to look at another tractor. It is one B worked on already and something is leaking again. Hopefully it won't be a major issue causing the problem. B finished the firetruck job and has repaired a crawler since then. Today he got a very large back hoe wedged into the shop. One of the treads on the crawler part of it is locked up so had to be "hopped" into position. It was rather fascinating to watch. There are at least 2 other tractors in the shop as well as the back end of a 3rd. The owners got that one apart and the new parts for it then decided they weren't confident enough to put it back together. Hopefully that job will be going out soon.

I suppose I have already spent enough time messing around and had better go do my filing and find the pictures that I need to find for B. I have taken lots of the projects he has done but not all of them are on this computer. So my job is to find them, transfer them to a flash drive and get them out to the "shop computer". Now however I know what I'm looking for so that will help.

More Rambling

Been a week or so since I've written. The most major news since then is that this past Tuesday Mom was transferred to a nursing home. She was transferred on her birthday - apparently has a nice big room where she can see down the hall with plenty of space for pictures and a few plants. However she apparently left the hospital with a bug of some kind and hasn't been doing excellently since. I will be calling Dad tonight to get more of an update.

We've got snow on the ground again. Had a snow day yesterday - probably got 4-6 inches on Tuesday when it snowed all day. We got a bit more this morning - the big fluffy flakes that I think are so pretty and that add up quite a bit faster. But no delays this morning even though the roads were still fairly slick.

Yesterday morning we got the house picked up and the Christmas tree down. After lunch the boys all went to Suz's to sled and I napped. After I napped I worked for awhile scanning slides into the computer. I bought a new scanner - much more simple than my original one. This one has a tray with space for 4 slides. You slide the tray through and each one comes up on the computer individually. Then you take a "snapshot" of it and move on to the next one. Each one self-adjusts as far as lighting and color is concerned (before you do the snapshot). Then you can save it to a folder on your computer. I hope to get a couple of discs made to send to my sister next week - one for her to take to Dad and one for herself personally. Eventually there should be a collection of discs as there are several hundred slides at least.

My one resolve for this year is to try to use my time more wisely...especially those 5-10 min. snippets of time that one has daily. Whether that means I clean something that doesn't get cleaned often or start a blog entry or read a devotional or whatever...rather than just playing computer games when I don't have time to do anything else. So...we will see how that goes.

It's getting late so I'd better scoot and get supper dishes loaded into dishwasher. Hoping to at least be able to crawl into bed earlier than normal tonight. Last night was a late night - we had Lil Bit for the evening as her mom's classes started back up.

Hiding out in the shop office tonight. Bruce is off measuring a corvette so he can figure out how to build the frame for his hot rod. Stretch and Dipstick have been sick today - Stretch has a heavy cold and ended up with hives last night. Dipstick started the day with an upset stomach. However I suspect he's got the cold as well and it's drainage upsetting his stomach. Squirrel thankfully is on the mend...he's been sick most of Christmas break.

Soon I will have a new computer for in the house - that was part of my Christmas gift. It is needed as the current one does not have adequate memory or much ability to work with my pictures. Was kinda hoping to go get it tonight but B was not available to go with me. If I'm going to go alone I would much prefer to do so during the day. Guess I have lived too many years in a city...don't like to be a woman out alone at night in shopping areas. I don't mind living in the country and having stuff open and unlocked though.

I'm struggling a bit tonight. Not sure why...think it's a combination of many things. The weather has been grey and gloomy most of this week with very little sunshine. I don't do well at all under those conditions. I still struggle with not feeling like I have value or anything to offer. My photos "vanish" into a computer. I can't keep good organized records to be a office manager. I am too strict with my boys and don't keep a clean organized enough house. I really need the little things I do to be noticed and appreciated - especially when I'm trying to improve an area. Not sure how much sense that makes - I certainly didn't realize until fairly recently just how badly I needed that notice - just a simple comment would do. "Hey Honey the house looks really nice" or "you are making progress on ..." Is that part of my "love language"? I don't know. It seems that B and I don't communicate as much or as well as we did earlier in our relationship and I don't like that. We do very well together if the boys are left out of the equation (and I do mean all 3 boys). Pain has been a factor this week as well - physical pain for me. My back and neck muscles are extremely tight and I don't know how to stretch them out and relax them. Of course that is complicated by the fact that my chest wall muscle is pulled again so movement in bed and lifting stuff is painful.

Of course grief is always a factor...Mom is coming up on being in hospital for a year. I am hyper aware of that. Yesterday she did not have a good day according to my sister. The questions are there - if the treatment plan had been followed completely would she be doing better? If the diagnosis had been made earlier would things have been different? How many others are simply tossed away because they don't have someone to advocate for them? Mom has Dad and my sister talking to the doctor and striving to make sure she gets the best care possible. My youngest brother David is researching and digging for more information...watching her symptoms and trying to figure out what the changes mean.

Along with the questions on her care come the questions I wish I had asked her. How in the world did she keep meals on the table for 6? Two main meals and breakfast. We didn't have a microwave or prepared foods or even much in the way of canned foods. Everything had to be cooked from scratch on a gas or wood burning stove. Did she ever have days when she was just ready to tear her hair out dealing with us kids? We fought often...especially my sister and I. I don't remember ever hearing her and Dad disagree in front of us kids yet I know they must have had disagreements at times. I remember only one time seeing her weep - we were getting ready to go on a trip from the coast to up-country by bus. Something wasn't going well and Dad was short with Mom. I don't know how it was resolved but I know that it was somehow. I remember lying in my bed at night and hearing them reading the Bible and praying together out loud - low murmers of voices. In the mornings Dad would be up way early to read his Bible and pray, Mom would wake later and read hers in bed while Dad was getting breakfast. (Mom had to eat withint 30 min or so of waking up or she would get dizzy and shaky - I am like her in that respect - have to have breakfast and coffee fairly soon after I wake).

The laundry we 4 siblings brought home from boarding school at the end of term must have been absolutely mind-boggling. Each time our quilts had to be washed as well as most of our clothes, other bedding and towels. While we had a washing machine of one sort or another for most of my memory, we had no dryer. Everything was line-dryed outside. My job was often to help hang the clothes. I tended to enjoy doing that most of the time as it gave me time to think and dream about what my adult life would be like. If rain threatened there would be a mad dash outside to bring in the remaining laundry that hadn't been brought in yet. Seems like we never finished doing all the laundry until it was just about time to return to boarding school a month or so later. Of course, after it was brought in it all had to be folded and sorted and put away. Some things were ironed.

I remember having other students at school comment to me on how "cute" it was to see an older couple like my Mom and Dad walking around campus holding hands. They often did that when they were up visiting - and they usually made the trip up at least twice a term. (Terms were 3 months long with a long weekend - mid-term - in the middle). I don't remember what I thought about Mom and Dad holding hands in public at my school - just the fact that others thought it was neat. I know that mail call was huge - always hoping for that letter from Mom or Dad. They took turns writing to us - individual letters to 4 kids written by hand or typed. Eventually there was a computer but Mom's letters were still mostly handwritten and Dad's were often.

Returning to school was always an adjustment. My sister and I would spend the week prior to return to school time baking cookies to take back with us. Molasses crinkles were made, brownies of various sorts, probably oatmeal raisin cookies...I dont' remember the rest. There was hot cocoa mix to be made, tea and other school supplies to be purchased. Eventually the packing was done, the last snacks were organized and time came to head to usually the train station. (Occasionally we took the bus to the capital but that was a much more crowded unpleasant trip and the train was prefered). A "picnic" supper would be packed along with sweet rolls for breakfast. Eventually our stuff would be hauled to the train station and packed into our 2nd class compartment. (First class was too expensive adn we were too many to ride 1st. In 2nd there was room for 6 people to sleep). Until bedtime we would read or talk or journal or walk the hallways of the train. Come bedtime it was time to pull the bunks up and make them into beds. There was only one window in the compartment and a small sink. Once the beds were made up there was no room to sit and really only room for a couple of people to stand at a time. Who-ever had the middle bunk on both sides had a small sliver of window to look out. There wasn't much to see except sometimes at the little places we stopped but it was fun to try. When we did stop one could often hear people talking and smell smoke. Mornings would come early...we would all be up by around 6 or 6:30. By then it would be light out and we would be watching the animals in the game reserve we were riding through. Dad used to joke that we were watching the gnus (news) and we would try to see how many different types of animals we would see. The train would usually arrive at the station around 8:00 am and the process of getting cabs and unloaded would begin. That day would be spent shopping in the capital before we headed out to the school later in the day or sometimes the next day. Mom and Dad would get us settled into our dorm rooms and then they would have to leave to return to the capital before it got really late. They would head back to the coast the next day. Adjustment to school was always tough for me...for the first 12-15 hours I would stay in my dorm room unpacking, reading my mail and eating from the snacks I'd brought from home. I would not go to the dining hall until the next day.

Enough of the memories for tonight. I'm weary and B is back so it's time to post this and head to bed.

Sunshine

Sunshine today...at least for a time. The temps are back up in the mid 30's. While I am thankful for the sun I'm not eager to have all the snow melt away. We have had snow most of the week - accumulating probably 3-5 inches I would guess. This morning there was just a fresh dusting. Today is supposed to be the warmest day all week - tomorrow and Saturday we have the chance of freezing rain or more snow. I will take the snow but would prefer not to have the freezing rain. We will see.

Have intended to blog all week but anytime I thought about doing so it was too close to bus route time or bedtime or someone else needing on the computer. So it never happened. Today again it's getting close to bus route time but I won't be home this evening as Stretch has his school Christmas concert tonight. (His last - those are starting..not sure I'm ready for that) I was looking for baby pictures of him last night - thought I had them all out to scrapbook but finally found them in a labeled box. It was fun...brought back memories. Now just to find the time to scrapbook them and finish his School Days album and...the list goes on.

Today I managed to get all the laundry folding done (first time all week) though I'm busy making more to fold. Also got the kitchen cleaned and dishwasher ran again so am basically caught up on dishes - at least until tonight. I also got a nap in thankfully. And supper is in the crockpot.

Had a good visit north to see Mom and Dad. What really made the trip was that I also got to see my sister Karen as she was down trying to schedule a meeting with the doctors caring for Mom. We spent Friday evening and most of Saturday together - mostly at the hospital but the point is that we were together. After she left for her home on Saturday Dad and I took Mom for a walk - the first time she had walked anywhere in several weeks. We did that again Sunday and Monday before Stretch and I left for home. Each time we went an increased distance and her increased strength and stability were obvious. While this is not an indication of "healing" it does show that the steroid treatment is still effective in keeping the disease somewhat under control.

Other than that...activities are ramping up for Christmas...between tonight and this time next week there are 3 different school band/choir concerts to attend. We only have 1 more week of school before the break - this entire year seems to have just flown by. I have done no Christmas cards yet...would like to get a note done to go in them. Will just have to wait and see.

Better scoot for now -want to let the chickens out today and feed and water them before bus route. I've kept them locked up all week due to the cold.

Quick Recap

Well it's been a few days since I've written...but not as long as in the past. This morning I was the 2nd one up - makes it nice as it was still reasonably quiet for me to wake up. I've got laundry in washer and dryer, kitchen in process and am enjoying my second cup of coffee. For today there is LOTS of laundry to do, some baking, cleaning and hopefully a visit to a craft show. Before I can leave for that though the boys will be servicing my car in preparation for a trip north next week. I am going to see Mom and Dad. Stretch will come with this time - I am driving again and it is always nice to have someone with me. This time I won't be driving the entire way which is likely to be nice. It's been a more difficult week for Dad I think as for the first time since Mom was admitted he has not been able to be at the hospital with her daily. He got sick and was not allowed to visit until yesterday.

Speaking of challenges...I had an experience that I hope to never ever repeat this week. I was driving my afternoon bus route...making my regular stop at a trailer park where the entrance is directly onto a major state highway. Procedure is to use right turn signal, pull off the highway as far as possible without actually entering the trailer park, unload my students, use my left turn signal and pull safely back into traffic. (We do not use our 8-way red stop arm system for stops on this major highway because it would be more dangerous for the students to stop traffic then to just pull off the road). I followed procedure, unloaded about 15 students, moved another student still on the bus to the front of the bus and was pulling back into traffic. Suddenly there were red flashing lights from a state police officer in my mirror - he was quite clearly intent on pulling me over. So I moved ahead a few feet to open the entrance of the trailer park back up and stopped. He requested me to get out of my seat and step down into the doorway of the bus so he could talk with me. He asked if I had used my reds at this stop and why I had not. Then he said I should pull into the trailer park before I let my students off. I had got on the radio to try to let my boss know what was going on but did not get an immediate response. The officer eventually let me continue with my route - no ticket, no warning...just a "I will call your boss later". I was late to the elementary school and decidedly upset but loaded the remainder of my students and started to take them home. I had another stop on that same highway...handled it according to procedure and called my boss as soon as I was finished driving - he had no clue what had happened. His response when he called me back was "he can't do that!" repeated a couple of times as I told my story. I have learned the correct procedure - if a state trooper wants to speak to a driver of a loaded school bus he is to follow the bus to the nearest school and speak to the driver there. And I was correct in how I unloaded my students. Having said all that...it was a decidedly upsetting afternoon for me as driver. On the bright side my kids, especially most of the elementary kids behaved better than they have all year. (I did tell one that if there was no blood involved and it was a sister issue I was not dealing with it at the moment). One of my most challenging students did excellent and was quite concerned at how upset I was...I told him I would be alright and would see him the next day. And there were many many questions the next day - most of the students had already heard from either their morning driver or older kids on the bus the previous afternoon. But they still had questions.

Ok...enough time on the computer now. Coffee is finished and I need to get going on house chores.

Another?

The sun is shining today. I spent the morning with a friend that I try to spend time with every couple of weeks then went to the camera store to order prints of pictures for Stretch's "school days" album. I've been pondering how to do that. K-8th grade all has their own individual page and I added as necessary. High school is a whole different ball game and the company I purchased his album from does not make high school pages. I've decided to do a 2 page spread (or more if necessary) of his different activities throughout high school. So cross country will have a spread - including all 4 years, drama will have a spread as will choir. School pictures and course schedules...not quite sure how to do those yet. But will eventually figure them out. I found I needed to find the pictures of "Little Women" and at least one year of Gospel Choir yet not including this year. OH yes...and "Fiddler on the Roof" which is one of my all time favorite musicals.

The other challenge has been figuring out what year I got the digital camera. I have about decided it was early '07. Still have not come up with a good way to organize digital pictures. And I can't figure out how some people can get several hundred pictures on a cd and I am not able to. That will help once I figure that out.

Sunrise was beautiful and red this morning. We saw 3 deer - including one nice buck and a pet pot bellied pig this morning on route. That was fun.

There was more I was going to write but can't remember what it was.

It was mentioned to me that my blogging has been missed. My response was that I would see what I could do. I haven't blogged recently - since Stretch's birthday. Depression has been an on-going more difficult issue for me than it has been in a VERY long time. There has been much going on with B's business that has contributed to it along with Mom still being in the hospital and declining. We have found that she never finished the course of treatment recommended by the doctors who know the disease she has - she was transferred to a hospital closer to home and ended up with a doctor that appears to feel that since she has two terminal diagnosis's there is no point in treating because it won't benefit in the long run - it will simply cost. It appears now that she has relapsed - she had been able to get up and walk with Dad's assistance and that seems to have disappeared. I would like to make another visit north but at the same time...want some good memories rather than painful ones.

B's business is going well at the moment. He has hired a office lady who comes in a couple days a week - that will be much better overall for the business as paperwork is definitely NOT my strong point. I can do the basics but that's it. It is a good thing that she comes in but the way in which it came about was emotionally painful. For awhile I was afraid I had lost two friends over it. Thankfully that fear is going away...and I am feeling much less invaded than I did at the beginning.

Today is a sunny day that is also supposed to be warm - in the upper 60's. I so enjoy the sunshine and it is very helpful to have light in the mornings to pick up my students with. It is also neat to get to watch the sunrises - I often think of that old saying "Red sky at night, sailors' delight; Red sky in the morning, sailors take warning". It is amazingly true - when the sunrise is red there tends to be a period of stormy weather soon after. One sees many more deer when there is light out as well.

We did have our first heavy frost over the weekend. I found out the hard way that the ramp was still slick after 11:00 am on Saturday - that was not fun. Still dealing with noticeable discomfort in my back but thankful a trip to the ER was not required. I walked like I was very old for the rest of the day and still get around slow.

The boys have been busy. Stretch and Squirrel both were involved in the technical side of producing the Fall play which was performed this past weekend. Stretch did sound while Squirrel worked lights. Squirrel especially seemed to love it and is very much looking forward to high school. I think he is much more likely to be involved in the technical aspects of the plays and musicals then he is the actual acting though that may change. Stretch enjoys the acting but was glad this time not to have any more than a part as a radio announcer.

Dipstick has been accepted to the new Eagle Tech Academy that will be opening up next fall. He has been excited about this since he first heard about it and has wanted to attend. I truly hope that he adjusts well and the program is better suited to his learning style. He is smart but hates homework and bookwork - would much rather be using his hands.

Guess that's enough of an update for the time being. Thanks to those of you who are still reading and commenting.

Happy Birthday Stretch

Today is my oldest son's 18th's birthday. There is so much more to write about then this letter to him includes...how he knows how to clean up after himself, can cook and shop for himself, will take the initiative to get meals on the table when I am not around.

Son - You are 18 years old today. I can hardly believe it. It doesn’t seem that long ago that your dad and I were bringing you home from the hospital as a newborn (not so tiny though). I remember being terrified that you were getting dehydrated because every time I fed you it seemed you messed your diaper only to learn that that was normal for an infant.

I remember seeing you in the operating room – wrapped in a towel just fresh born and thinking “he looks like a wise old man”. That impression has stayed with me – now you have grown into a very wise young man – mature in many ways beyond your physical age. You have survived and grown through the loss of your dad, moves to a new state and new schools….making new friends and becoming involved in a new church. You are still more comfortable with people older than yourself – I think that’s to be expected as a result of your experiences.

You accepted Jesus as your Lord and Savior at the age of 4. I remember sitting with you at the dining room table explaining what that meant and leading you in prayer. You were sitting in your booster seat at that time still and we lived in an apartment in Tulsa, OK on the south side. You have always loved going to church – from that very young age on. I am thankful for that love and desire to spend time in God’s house – and for the growth I’ve seen in your life since. You and your brother were the reason that I “stayed in church” after your dad died – I knew in my heart that you needed to be there and you wanted to be there as well. In fact the day he died you went to church because it was a Sunday morning and that’s where you felt like you needed to be. You were baptized at the age of 7 I believe – the date was January 11 but I forget the year.

I could go on…but it will make this way too long. In the past years I have watched you grow spiritually. You had the exciting experience of leading a friend to the Lord this past summer. You are involved in worship team at church now as well as Gospel Choir at school. You are always willing and ready to share your faith with someone or to pray with someone. This past summer it was announced that you were called to be a pastor – you stepped up to pray in service without hesitation.

You have persevered with cross country even though you felt like the team did not care about you or need you. I know it was tough at times – and even tougher to do it cheerfully. I am proud of you for learning that you run for yourself and for God. As long as you are doing your personal best that is what counts. You never gave up even when you were at the tail end of a race and most everyone had walked away from the finish line – you still crossed that line running as fast as you could. I really honestly hope that you continue to run – for fun and fitness even though you may never run in competition again.

I am proud of you for standing up for the underdog…when you were in 8th grade and Jon joined the cross country team you stood up for him and encouraged him when he was being picked on. That pattern has continued – you still care for those who are hurting. If one of your friends has a need you do your best to be there to help and encourage them – counseling on Facebook, through IM, the phone, texting or face to face.

You have exciting things to look forward to this year. One of them is waiting for the official acceptance letter from the college of your dreams. You fell in love with IWU when you were there for a 3 week course over the summer and now you can’t wait to attend there. You have faith that God will work out the details.

High school graduation is coming up and a new chapter in your life will be beginning. You have a fairly heavy course load this school year – something that is unusual for most seniors. Continue to work hard and do your absolute best throughout this year and into the future. Continue to seek God and His will first – as you have learned He will guide you and provide.

I love you – “I’ll love you forever, I’ll like you for always. As long as I’m living, my baby you’ll be”. (Quoted from the book Love You Forever by Robert Munsch) While you are no longer a baby – you are a young man, this is still true – I will love you forever and you will always be my firstborn.

Love,
Mom

Not accomplishing much today. Had originally planned to go to Shipshewana today - there were a couple of stores I wanted to pop into. However last night Squirrel came home with a fever and not feeling well at all. So I postponed those plans - nothing was critical. Did have coffee with my friend that I was going to go with before coming home. Since I got home I've done some laundry and loaded dishwasher and taken a short nap. I should be cleaning my craft area (again) or folding more laundry or something...Instead I am sitting here thinking about this afternoon. Squirrel did have a cross country meet to run and I was scheduled to drive. My route sub could not switch back with me so I am still driving the meet even though he is not going. I am really hoping that my students behave much better this afternoon than they did last time I was off and that the route goes more smoothly. I am also thinking about the student who has been transferred off and the one who will be transferring on effective today and hoping those changes go smoothly.

We found out yesterday that one of our drivers has been admitted to hospital in critical condition - he has a football sized tumor in his abdomen. Not much hope is being held out for him. He has 3 children - the youngest of whom is in Squirrel's grade. Talked to my sister-in-law this morning - she spent two nights in hospital last week suffering from a severe bout of vertigo. She has lost hearing in one ear - not sure if that is a permanent loss or not. It is not known yet what caused the vertigo - she is off work for this week and is not currently driving as that was what triggered it in the first place. It leaves a fairly heavy load on her husband to pick up caring for all the things she handles in addition to her job as a vet tech. They have 2 young boys - one of whom has severe food allergies. Of course I live too far away to help.

Quick Post

Quick post this morning...out to a cross country meet soon. And I'm bringing snacks for Squirrel's team - not as healthy as some but could be worse I think. Grapes (if I get them washed), raisins, peanut butter crackers and packaged fruit snacks plus water and a sports drink. What is nice is when both boys have a Saturday meet together and I don't have to drive them to the bus.

Dipstick is on his way to Plow Days with B's dad. B is not going this year - he is staying home to rest and recover from surgery. His follow-up appointment went pretty well - he goes back on the 28th for a "final" check.

Yesterday went very well on the bus route...I don't tend to be comfortable addressing my kids as "a group". I would much rather interact with them one-on-one. However the sub on Thursday had such a bad time with them - mis-behavior, back talk and ultimately ending up in a ditch - that I shared how disappointed I was. I went over bus rules, shared I was strict for a reason and could be stricter if necessary and told them that now they had to prove to me, the elementary principal (who I've not seen eye to eye with for some time as she thought I was too strict - and who stood and listened to me talk to them - then wished me "good luck" as she got off), my transportation director boss and the superintendent that they did know how to behave even if I was not the driver that day. So the test will come on Tuesday when I am driving a cross country meet for Squirrel's team instead of my bus route.

I still have not had "creative time" or even time to go through my pictures. But I did take time yesterday morning to have chai with a couple of close friends after morning route. It was good to connect some - and I got to cuddle a baby (he's not so much one anymore - going on 9 months old but I've known him since he was an hour old - hadn't even had a bath yet).

Time is up...got to scoot or I will be late. That's not good for the snack person.

Disconnected

Disconnected...that is the thought that is running through my mind today. I've not been blogging or even keeping up on blogs that I enjoy reading (as I was reminded by an email from one of my brothers)...I've not been journaling. I have snatched a very few minutes to stitch a couple of evenings - once this week. I've not had much time with friends to connect and talk and share our lives. I am not even doing well at responding to emails.

School started about a month ago. Cross country season officially started 2 weeks later - Squirrel had 3 meets the first week and has 2 every week since one of which is on Saturdays. Stretch is also running mainly with weekend meets. I have missed more meets than I normally do already - that is a struggle for me. There have been 2 back to school nights (one for Squirrel and one for Dipstick). There is regular homework checks especially for Dipstick. Parent - teacher conferences are coming up already. Two nights a week we watch Little Bit for her mother so she can take classes to become a nurse and be better able to support herself and Little Bit. Grief Group starts tonight for Dipstick - and Wednesday night services have resumed for the fall.

In addition to all that...B had surgery last Saturday. It was "day surgery" in that he was able to go home that day. However he is not to do any heavy lifting, not supposed to be driving yet - he over-did it yesterday and was pretty beat last night. He was discouraged ...he does not do "sit and rest" well and had expected to be able to handle more by now. This afternoon he has his follow-up appointment and I am thankful to be able to go with him though it requires my taking my afternoon bus route off.

In addition to that appointment I hope to be able to get more daily housekeeping stuff done and start to get caught up on paperwork. I would also like to find my pictures I've downloaded on here and start organizing them. None of that has happened since we reformatted the computer. Eventually I will need to get an external hard drive for the pictures only. Tonight will be a late night as I am the one who takes Dipstick to Grief Group.

I feel like I only write here when things are not going well. One positive thing I am enjoying is the cooler temperatures and more deer sightings while I drive my bus. Yesterday morning the sunrise was beautiful and red - always wish I had a good camera along to get pictures of that.

Again??

Finally feeling better today...not physically but emotionally. It has been a rough week...I have been over-reacting to what seems like everything. I've realized my reactions were over the top but not known why. Yesterday I had to take Dipstick to registration - had spent hours trying to make sure I had all the registration paperwork printed off the computer. We got there and I was missing 2 key pages so we ended up having to go the "slow" routine (not that having the pages done was that much faster as one still had to go through all the lines!) I confess I lost it...not shouting and yelling lost it but lost it none the less. Finally when I was in the restroom calming down it dawned on me...today Mike and I would have been celebrating our 21 yr wedding anniversary. As soon as I acknowledged that and accepted that the grief would still hit at times...even after 7 1/2 yrs and being happily remarried, I started to calm down.

Talking to a dear friend on the phone this morning...who has also lost a husband to cancer and is remarried...she admitted she struggled extra this year as well. She pointed out that we thought God's plan was for us to be married to our first husbands for our lifetime - that we would grow old together and it didn't work out that way. Of course the grief will be there at times. (And in B's case he will still face grief on his loss as well). To further add to that...B has had some medical tests recently that could have revealed life-changing health issues and the questions...admitted or not would have been there.

This explains to me also the intense "grief" I felt at having confirmed that I would not be taking "my" elementary kids all the way to school this year. I will be finished with my bus route at the middle school in the mornings - the elementary kids will transfer to another bus. I've had these kids for 3 years now and will miss the time I got to spend visiting with them in the mornings. Those times were occasionally challenging but it was often those times that I had the chance to let a child know I saw they had had a difficult morning and try to encourage them.

So all that to say...it's been a rough week emotionally. Today I feel like I see light again.