It seems...

It seems like a long time since I've been in church. Son2 and I are home today due to him being sick - low grade fever, lots of sniffles, exposed to strep since I was sick...He's in SS with my friend Pete's son Brent. I don't want to expose Brent to anything he could take home to his mom so we stayed home today. Last week we were in OH, the week before I was in nursury both services...Technically Son2 is probably old enough to stay home by himself for a short time during the day but I don't like to leave them home alone when they are not feeling well. Having said all that - what's really strange to me is how much I miss being in church even in a church that I really don't feel at home in. Yes I was brought up to be in church and I've also gone through a time that I went only because I knew I needed to be there for my boys. Now I miss it when I'm not there - though I can't see myself regularly being back in a church with both a morning and evening service.

Today would have been a difficult day for Son2 anyway...and possibly will be also for Son1 - being as it's Father's Day. That's a day that we tend to let slide in this house - it brings back the sense of loss too much. I'll call my parents later but otherwise we won't make a big deal out of it. Maybe there's another way to handle it but "ignoring" it works for us.

It's Over

I know if I wait until tonight I'll be too tired to post. I've deliberately cut down some of my plans for the day today as I was gone most of yesterday. I went and picked up a very detailed job application that I need to get filled out today so I can drop it off either tonight or tomorrow early. (I know that tomorrow is Sunday but the person I'm dealing with on this leaves town Sunday afternoon for two weeks so I need to get the application in before he leaves) While I was out getting the job application I dropped by the wedding site to be able to see inside and hopefully get an idea of what picture taking would be like. Then home for a brief nap, then out to do the wedding. I was at the site by 5:15 - no one else arrived until close to 5:45. The ceremony was supposed to start at 6:30 - I don't think it started until closer to 7:00. It was after 9:00 pm before I got home - only to have the boys fighting. That's frustrating because it makes it really hard for me to look for a job when I'm facing having to referree fights when I get home.

The wedding itself seemed chaotic to me - two weeks isn't long to plan such a thing - even with a very creative bride. I just hope the pictures turn out - it really wasn't as difficult managing 8 kids as I thought it would be. There was just no really good backdrop to take pictures against - I found that frustrating. And I'm more certain than ever that my "gifting" in this is mainly nature photos followed by photos of children involved in everyday activities. But how to fit that in with regular work and caring for the boys is the question. Anyway...I was going to try to get the pictures developed today but that's not going to happen as I need to be home until time to leave for my Amish run this afternoon.

Ok..enough rambling for now - time to get on with the day.

Doing Better

Wow....thanks for the encouraging comments & prayers. I really appreciate them. I am doing better today - no longer have the extremely sore throat and am not napping as much as I was - only 1 nap today instead of 2 like the rest of the week! The house is even looking abit better - the boys and I spent 2 15 min. sessions working in the front room and the family room - managed to get things picked up, dusted and generally looking better. The kitchen counters are also cleaned off - that helps alot. There's still plenty to do but getting the boys to help for 15 minutes at a time does make a difference. I'm even beginning to get paperwork organized!

Tomorrow will be another extremely busy day - TaeKwonDo in the morning, wedding photographer assignment in the evening...After that I think I might get to begin to slow down - though I will have to focus on job-hunting then. The boys are watching a Star Trek Episode - it should be almost over and we will need to leave for the evening tonight - for grief group.

Down

Tonight I'm struggling - and the light at the end of the tunnel looks very dim - not there. Some of it is my own mistakes & wrong choices, some of it is definitely the fact that I'm not feeling well complicated by the fact that I'm the only adult in the family and the one responsible for the house, the bills, everything...My boys are wonderful - I love them dearly but they absolutely don't see the need to help around the house. They've been good about letting me sleep the way I needed to today - 2 naps! But not at all good about stepping in and doing abit extra to help out. I hate with a passion having everything a mess but just don't seem able to get things cleaned up. What little energy I've had has been spent on getting Son2 to TaeKwonDo or Son1 running. I don't know how to prioritize getting things back in order - I've got to get another assignment sent in for my course, prepare for this wedding on Friday that I'm taking pictures at, get the house back in order, find a second job...the list goes on. I know that I'm not the only one struggling - and that my struggles are minor in comparision with others. And I know that things will look better in the morning - they usually do. We have TaeKwonDo first thing in the morning - a friend just called and she offered to pick Son2 up after Bible Study tomorrow to take him to play for abit - her middle son (oldest one at home) and my Son2 are only a year apart in age and get along well. When he goes over there I generally get quite abit done on the house - that always helps me emotionally.

If someone was to come up the drive and make me a cash offer on the house I would probably accept it and move - to someplace smaller and cheaper. However the likelihood of that happening is exceedingly slim - and I would hate to leave all my flowers and trees.

Ok...I'm being really open here - hope I won't regret putting this all out there. In the meantime, I'm off to bed.

Strep Throat and Pictures

Well...it's strep throat according to the dr. - or he says possibly mono but he thinks that's highly unlikely. He said I won the award for the reddist, sore-ist throat today. With antibiotics I should be definitely feeling better by Wednesday - and no longer contagious either. So as far as accomplishing anything - today was a wash. Tomorrow I might manage to get something done but intend to mainly stay home and take things easy. Job-hunting will be put off until Wednesday as it's pretty difficult to be effective at jobhunting when one is feeling crummy. The necessary car repair will be put off until I have cash in hand to pay for it...praying that it continues to run in the meantime.

On a different note I am definitely taking wedding pictures this coming Friday - I'm both nervous and excited at the same time. I've got some major planning to do before then - and need to check out the location. BUT nerves not withstanding, I know that I can do better than a bunch of disposable cameras would be.

Home Again

We are safely home after a busy most enjoyable weekend in Ohio. We now have a very confused car, lots of pictures to download and memories to process. Thankfully the car brought us safely home - in spite of all kinds of error messages and alarms going off and no control over the AC system. Now I'm going to take my sore throat to bed - will attempt to update more tomorrow.

Quiet Day

Well a slow start to the day...I'm really thankful for that today. It's nice to not have to get up and rush off to TQD class with one boy or running with another. Yesterday was a day spent mowing the lawn, working in the flower beds and recuperating from not feeling well the day before. Of course that was after an early TQD class so it was an early day. The lawn is completely mowed - for the first time in over a month. And I was able to get 3 day lily bulbs planted and a white coneflower. I still have quite abit of planting to do though it will probably wait until after our trip this weekend. My one "souvenir" of yesterday is the 4 large itchy, red, swollen bug bites that I have - made by a triangular looking fly-like bug. I think I managed to kill the ones that bit me but not before they'd had lunch - hopefully the itching will stop soon.

Today I have a haircut scheduled, have a few items to purchase at the grocery and jam to make. I also wanted to make banana muffins to take as a snack but not sure I'll get it done. Neither boy has any activity that they "have" to be at today - they are currently playing with Legos - have them spread out all over the family room. I'm thankful that they are still able to play together and enjoy themselves. And the TV is currently off!!

A New Day

A new day...the bus is turned in, the house is slowly coming back together (emphasis on slowly), I've visited Pete and hopefully now things will slow down abit. It's a huge relief to have the bus turned in - strange to look out and have no big yellow "monster" sitting in the driveway but nice to no longer have that hanging over my head. So we will enjoy the empty space and the time off of school. I have flowers to plant, vegetables to weed and we've had rain.

Visiting Pete - that was much more difficult than I expected it to be. She seems at peace and stable at the moment which is good. Being there wasn't the challenge - but it sure brought back the memories for me. I just felt at a loss the rest of the day yesterday - unable to really focus on much of anything. I'm thankful that she has a relationship with God and we have the comfort of knowing that we will see her again. However it's so hard to think of her husband and young son who will be left to go on alone - as well as her grown children and their children who won't have the chance to know her.

One Way to Stop

Well one way to stop the world so you can get off for a time is to misplace one's car keys. I got a call to do an Amish run this morning - accepted though I wasn't overly enthused about it. But ended up not getting to go because the car will not run without an ignition key! So instead I spent the day working on getting the bus cleaned and looking for the car keys. They are not in the car, on, under or in a couch or chair. They are not hanging where they belong or on a counter somewhere. They are not in the laundry or bathroom or by the computer. We have checked drawers, floors, tables, and most any other place - likely or not - that we can think of. I have gone through many many empty plastic bags - and the trash! On the one hand, it's been kind of nice being home today - actually having time to do a few things that need done. On the other hand, I really do need the car keys to show up as it's my only set. Tonight I have decided to simply try to relax and get to bed early. The keys will either show up eventually or I'll have to look into replacing them. Either way there's not much more I can do about them right now. Tomorrow we will learn (again) how much we appreciate having a vehicle - church is about 2 1/2 miles from here and I'm scheduled in the nursery. Skipping isn't an option.

Edit: Just after I posted this - and was tucking boys into bed I once again found the car keys! And yes...they were in an "obvious" place - buried deep in my purse that I'd already dumped out once. Praise God!

Stop the world....

Stop the world I want to get off! It's strange - 2nd official day into summer vacation and I feel like things have not slowed down at all. Yesterday...I was coming down off the roller coaster ride of end of school year, 8th grade recognition, etc. This morning it was up early to take Son2 to TaeKwonDo class this morning. Then home to get Son1 for a dr's appointment - he's got an upper respiratory infection that he's probably had for at least 2 weeks. He also needed a dr's signature for space camp. I have to finish getting that paperwork filled out and turned in - it's due Tuesday. We did some shopping - finally able to get cereal. I also got some plants - watermelon, cantelope, cucumber for the garden as well as some perennials for those beds. Then home to make a grocery list, then off to chiropracter and Wally-world. After that home again - groceries away, then dinner then outside to plant the fruit and vegetables - we also planted carrot seeds and corn. I had both boys helping with that. Then I sent the boys inside and spent another hour watering and weeding. It looks like my 6 cherry shrubs are going to do ok - they are leafing out nicely. My forsythia that are in also seem to be doing well though I still have 2 to plant. I haven't decided where to put them yet.

So tomorrow I have to make major progress on getting the bus cleaned - it's due back in on Monday. So far all I've accomplished is to get the seats up and trash cleared out from under them - and the floor swept. I still have to wash everything down - inside and out - including windows. The goal is to get an early start on that and get it done tomorrow. Then Monday I can drive the bus down, power wash it and hopefully get it turned in. I also need to get some more plants planted, paperwork finished and probably most importantly come up with a list of pictures to take for a wedding and pricing for the same. (The wedding is in 2 weeks - and we have a weekend trip coming up beforehand).

8th Grade Recognition

Wow....I'm amazed, awed, humbled and blessed...and really don't know how to describe my emotions.

Tonight was 8th Grade Recognition at the middle school. Son1 - being in 8th grade - got to go. The place was packed - and very hot. I don't think I've ever seen the gym that crowded - and am very glad I wasn't able to get a seat in the bleachers. Being on the "floor" in the handicapped seating (only seats available when I got there) was plenty hot enough! Anyway...Son1 was recognized for several things - he received the D.A.R. Award for excellence in American History. He received a Presidential Award certificate for receiving all A's this past year - along with a plaque. However the biggest award he received was the Nathan Frank Memorial Award. Nathan Frank was a 1995 graduate who was recognized for citizenship, scholarship, character, leadership, community and church involvement, as well as attendance and involvement in extracurricular activities. Nathan died in Sept. 1997 as a result of a sleep walking accident while at university where he was studying to become a teacher. This award is given to a student who demonstrates those same qualities. Son1 was chosen from among a group of 12 truly deserving nominees to be given this award.

I was congratulated often this evening also - as proud Mom. I certainly am that...but I feel like I've done so little to help him turn out. I've been fumbling my way through the pain and challenges - hoping and praying that in spite of me both boys will do well. With Son1 I'm beginning to see the results....I hope and pray that Son2 will do as well - in his own areas. I don't want him to feel like he's labeled "oh that's *****'s brother" - but to shine himself.

Ok...I thought I lost this post...it's way past bedtime for me. Maybe tomorrow things will make more sense and I'll be able to process stuff better.

Weekly Recap - Long

Well it's been almost a week since I've taken time to catch up on this. (Actually I haven't journalled privately at all either - usually I do at least one if not both almost daily). It's been a rather crazy week to say the least - just alot of running and not accomplishing much at all. I really don't even know where to start.

This morning I ran an Amish run - just local doing grocery shopping. It was a little longer and usually makes less income. However I'm thankful for it - it will add abit of gas to the car until I can fill it properly. While I was gone the boys were supposed to be doing their weekend chores and not fighting. They accomplished the not fighting and part of the weekend chores. However I'm soon going to have to give them lunch and then get them moving on what else I want done. Since last week was so crazy we are behind and need to begin to get caught up.

I'm still dealing with poison ivy - the doctor's office says that it's been taking 2-3 weeks to clear up. Thankfully it's not as nasty as it was - looks more like I burned myself than anything else. But it does still itch and I'm still seeing spots breaking out. In the future when I'm done pulling weeds or whatever outside I will be taking extra precautions to wash any oils off my skin! I will also be making sure to use insect repellent so I don't have to deal with as many bug bites.

The field trip I drove on Tuesday was fun. Technically I didn't have to stay at the location - could leave and come back to pick the students up again. However since I needed to work on assignments for my course I opted to stay to try to get some pictures done - it was a beautiful area - very peaceful. I saw a deer while I was out walking - it was too far away to get a good picture but I did take one that does show it. The most exciting thing for me was that while I was sitting on a bench reading I had a butterfly land - first beside me, then right on my hand. I probably sat there for 15-20 min. taking pictures - using both cameras. I really feel like I got some good shots and sure enjoyed myself. I also was able to get a shot of a flower that I think (hope) will fulfill the redo of the one photo from my first unit. Eventually I'll hope to post pictures here - right now I haven't taken time to try to figure out how yet.

Wednesday was Son2's birthday - and just an emotionally difficult day for me. There's no particular reason for the emotions - was just a combination of stuff. Unfortunately we didn't get to do anything really special to celebrate his birthday - he went to TaeKwonDo class then came home and I made his favorite casserole for dinner. He had taken cookies to share with his class during the day - that was pretty much it. He is saving his birthday money to get an IPod.

Thursday...I can't remember what was going on - except for Grief Group in the evening. Son1 has decided that he is ready to close - stop going to Group and will do that next time. I have mixed emotions - I can see that he's doing really well and does seem to be ready. But it's another sign that he's growing up and that is kind of sad. He's almost finished with middle school and will be a high school student - seems like just yesterday he was a toddler. Yet he's experienced so much. He had his last middle school choir concert Tuesday night - and his first solo performance in choir. (He's done solos at church before but not school). He did a great job singing "Summer Loving" from "Grease" - as a duet with another girl. I know he was really really nervous but did very well.

Friday I was actually able to begin catching up on stuff around the house. I also learned that a friend of mine - "Pete" from church has been put on hospice care and treatment for her cancer has been stopped. She's married, has a son just a little younger than Son2 and a couple of grandchildren....it makes me sad. I don't know how to feel or even really how to pray. I want to spend time with her - just being there and hope to have that opportunity but just don't know. I know prayers would be appreciated for her and her family.

Lunch is ready so I'd better go and start getting stuff done.

Done

Ok...tonight I'm done - feel like the last straw has hit the camel's back and broke it. I spilled my nice glass of delicious homemade root beer all over my driver's side compartment in the car. So the car is a mess (tho I've attempted to clean it), the house is a mess because Saturday chores didnt' get done, Sunday and today I wasn't home to do anything - not even tonight. I'm frantically trying to get laundry done because it needs done and the dishwasher is loaded but not run. Tomorrow I have another trip and then I have two for next week. However the way I feel right now I'm going to turn in the one to the water park simply because I have too much on my plate - it probably would be fun but I'm just overwhelmed at the moment. Of course part of that is because I have poison ivy/poison oak on my arm - first time this year and thankfully it's only on my arm. But it's really itchy and nothing seems to help take the itch out - at least not for more than a few minutes. What makes it worse is that the area is right where my arm rests on the desk when I'm on the computer - that aggravates it.

Now that I've completely whined...I will list some things I am thankful for - these are not necessarily in any particular order - just as they come to mind. I know that I'm hugely blessed and need to remember those blessings rather than the struggles & challenges of daily life.

1) I'm thankful for a house in the country where deer, birds and other wildlife are around to see - where you can hear the wind blowing through the trees & the birds singing.

2) I'm thankful for two healthy gifted boys who are growing into men of God.

3) I'm thankful that I live in a country where there is freedom to worship God.

4) I'm thankful for my salvation - for the death of Jesus on the cross so that my sins can be forgiven.

5) I'm thankful for food.

6) I'm thankful for a job that I really enjoy.

7) I'm thankful for friends.

On that note...I'm off to take some Benadryl and hopefully head towards bed. (Benadryl is the only thing that relieves the itch for any length of time - but it's not a good thing to take as a bus driver)

Progress

Well....I feel like I'm slowly beginning to make progress around here. Tonight I put the first pictures - one in each - in the boys' albums about their dad. And I sat them down with the pictures I'd sorted out to have them chose ones to include. So my huge stack of pictures is whittled down by more than 50%. I do still have to get copies made of the portraits I have - that's a matter of going in and getting them printed. They are all scanned onto CD's so the hardest part is done. The other thing I still need is stories so that eventually the boys will have some idea of who their dad was.

I now have lettuce and tomatoes in my garden - hopefully it's not too late for the lettuce. Tomatoes had to be covered last night but seemed to have done well. I also planted dahlias this afternoon - have several more to put in. I have no idea if they are full sun or part shade plants - they were given to me by another bus driver. So we will see how they do - if they grow. I hope they do as I'm big into flowers. The other thing I started doing was pulling weeds/grass/lilac starts out of the beds right by the house - they have a layer of stone down but it seems to be a very thin layer. So all kinds of stuff is growing up through the stone and landscape fabric under it. Tomorrow I hope to get more stuff pulled out and get another forsythia planted.

Son1 went back to school today - he's been out for 2 days. He's still coughing and sneezing but seems to be feeling better. Son2 put himself to bed tonight - he must really have been tired as he didn't have any cuddle time or anything. They are both growing up so incredibly fast.

Interview Me

Teacherpersown has interviewed me with the following questions, so here goes! If you would like to be interviewed, just read the information that follows.

1. What is one thing you can do or have done of which you are particularly proud? Nothing like starting with the toughest question! Probably the elephant pictures that I have cross stitched - tho not framed or hung yet. I am also blessed with two wonderful boys that are growing up to be men of God - I don't feel that I've done much to be proud of there though - just have muddled through.

2. What's one thing you would like to learn? I want to learn to quilt - not necessarily by hand but well enough to do memory quilts for my boys. I also want to study martial arts. (Sorry - can't put just one thing).

3. What is your favorite meal (if calories didn't count)? It would have to include chocolate, prime rib, baked potato and salad or steamed veggies.

4. What is your dream job? I think I probably already have my dream job - only adding doing something with my photography to my bus driving. Where else can you be "outside", having contact with others yet be left pretty much alone to do your job?

5. When you are sick, what do you do to treat/doctor yourself? I make homemade chicken noodle soup in the slow cooker - beginning with a whole chicken and some broth. I cook the noodles separately so they don't get mushy.

Now its your turn to play if you wish!

Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me." I will respond by asking you five questions. I get to pick the questions, and I will message or comment you with them and these directions. Just update your blog with the answers to the questions and include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

Wednesday

I truly don't feel motivated or inspired tonight - don't feel like I accomplished much today at all. I did an Amish run this morning - going grocery shopping. I rarely see my car filled - unless we are travelling but these ladies managed to completely fill it. We were gone about 3 hours - I did manage to get a chicken in the crockpot for dinner, and get something mailed that should have gone out a couple of weeks ago. That last made me feel like I accomplished something today - but that feeling is long gone. I guess it's one tiny baby step at a time - accomplishing stuff is helped very much by my staying home.

Son1 stayed home today - he's fighting a cold/major allergy attack. Since he's been running low-grade fever I will likely have him stay home tomorrow. If he does go - it will be when he wakes up rather than him getting up by alarm clock. Son2 on the other hand went to school - thankfully is healthy - and is eager to go to TaeKwonDo class. He actually wants to go more often and for longer periods than we can right now. He will go Tuesday next week to sparring class - immediately after I get off the bus. After that we will have Son1's end of school year concert. Monday night is Son2's concert. The following Tuesday is Son1's 8th Grade Recognition Night. Things for the next couple of weeks will be crazy to say the least.

I'm anxious to get going on the quilts for the boys and the albums - have pictures narrowed down at least somewhat. I'm still stuck on childhood stories - and need a bump to get ones from my own childhood percolating also. My photography class isnt' going well - am ready to do my next assignment and now sure when/how to do it.

Don't Stop Mom

"Don't stop at the flowers Mom - I took some pictures on my camera." "So I wouldn't have to stop?" "Yea" with big smile, happy eyes! I love that boy! The background to the story is that I tend to really slow down/stop on the way up the driveway to check out the irises and other flowers I have growing up the side. The boys tend to say "just go Mom" as my slowing down really gets them.

Safely Home & Tons of Gravel

We got home around 11:00 pm last night - the drive back was one of the best we've had in a very long time - at least as far as making good time was concerned. It really seems best to just take 30 all the way - we didn't have major traffic or construction. The only headache was the red lights and they weren't too bad.

I'm really glad we went - the boys enjoyed each other. It was such a treat to have Ty run up and greet us all by name - he's grown so much. And really he seems to be doing much better with his diet. It breaks my heart that it looks like he will have these food allergies for life but he seems to be coping well overall. JC is getting taller - he's grown but the changes weren't as obvious. I so much enjoyed spending time with La - trying to catch up on months of news in just a few short hours. We didn't nearly get all our talking done but again...I'm glad we went. And I ended up taking two rolls of pictures - plus a few on the digital. Hopefully some will come out nicely. I've labelled the tops of the cases with date, time of day, weather and location - some of my photography stuff is sticking I guess.

Since we got home...I've done some much needed grocery shopping and shovelled 2.25 tons of gravel out into the hole the bus has dug in the driveway. Thankfully the gravel was dumped right there so I didn't have much to do except spread it out but we are still talking 2.25 tons! And we still need more - it will likely come tomorrow or the next day. The hope is that the gravel will pack down into the hole providing a more solid surface for the bus (and any cars that come to visit). It sure didn't seem like that much.

And thankfully Son2 did not have a bad reaction to the sunburn he got on Saturday. For the most part, he's actually faded back to his normal color. Son1 on the other hand, still has a reddish brick tint to his skin. My face is still more colorful than normal but hopefully won't peel.

Meets and Travels

We are safely in Chicago tonight - I'm watching 4 boys and 2 dogs! So far all has gone well. I'm exhausted - actually we are all exhausted and sunburned. Son1 had his last middle school track meet (ever) today. This was the first year he has gone to the NELSMC conference meet so it was a new experience for all of us. Most of the sprints had time trials so the meet itself didn't actually start until well after 11:00 am and Son1's events weren't until after 1:00 pm. Since Son2 and I arrived at the meet around 10:00 am and we didn't leave until after 4:00 it was a very long day. However all that said....Son1 did get another PR in the 400m race - he ran it in 1:09:4 and his form looked good. Coach McK was there and he said Son1 looked really good also - that the shorter distances were helping his form and speed - they were forcing him to improve. So I'm really excited for him. Overall I think the team took second place. Better stop for now - it sounds like I've got to go rescue a plastic bottle from a dog.

Dense Fog

Driving was definitely interesting this morning! The fog was so thick and dense in places that I was thinking "I know I have a stop (or turn) coming up soon.....hope I haven't missed it" as I slowed down with signals on. Thankfully we made it safely through - with no missed turns or stops. Most of my students rode - and we weren't even very late. Frankly I'm surprised - and thankful. Several local school districts were cancelled today. I'm rather glad that we weren't because then we would have had to add a day on to the end of the year. We didn't see any deer this morning either - though I'm sure that there were some around. You just couldn't see far enough to see them.

Ok...short post this morning. I don't feel like I have much to write about.

Torn

Ok....so now I'm really torn. Son1 came to the bus this afternoon and said "go ahead and come to the meet" - after earlier saying he really didn't care if we came or not. I would have loved to drop everything and go - or at least be able to go immediately after my bus route. However Son2 - who had issues with overheating yesterday - and who does not cope well with sudden changes in plans - insisted it's too hot to go. So thankfully I was able to get a message to Son1 that we would not be there so at least we weren't "no-shows" without any message. However I'm torn - I really enjoy going to track meets and getting to cheer the team - and my son on. However this one was an hour drive away so we would have missed part of the meet at least - as I wasn't even able to leave to go until 4:30. And with my fatigue already from yesterday, gas prices being as high as they are and end of school year expenses...part of me says it's better to stay home. Plus that means - that in spite of it being hot - I can cook a meal rather than us having to eat out. But it breaks my heart to not be able to go see him run.

Long Day & More PR's

Ok....I really think two trips yesterday was just a bit much! I drove another big bus (84 passenger, flat nose) yesterday morning - taking preschool and kindergarden to a farm near the elementary school. The driving was not much - all of about 6 miles round trip. However! I had to back that bus up - from a very narrow, overgrown lane into a field! Avoiding a fence post, a sign and a telephone pole in the back and numerous trees in the front! Now in my own regular bus that would not have been too difficult to do - or even if yesterday morning was NOT the very FIRST time I'd driven this particular bus! But since I wasn't in my own bus and it was the very first time I'd driven this bus that back-up and turn-around was a challenge! I was sweating by the time I finished it. And of course the parents and teachers were thinking it would help me more if they got off the bus so I wouldn't have to deal with the kids chatter! (Absolutely not - then I would not only have had non-living obstacles to look for but the kids!) But outside of that turn-around the trip was a breeze - and the weather was beautiful.

The second trip was completely unscheduled - during afternoon route time a radio call came out for someone to go pick up the Varsity Golf team from a town south of here. (Actually the initial call was for someone to do it both ways - the driver who took them down couldn't bring them back). So since I already knew that I was not going to Son1's track meet due to Son2 having TaeKwonDo class I figured that if it was "late enough" - not conflicting with class I could do it. So I got home from afternoon route, took off with Son2 for TaeKwonDo class, then got home from that and 15 minutes or so later took off again for this hour long drive to find the golf course and get the team! So I did make it down there by 7:30 pm only to have to wait 30 minutes until they were finished. It was 9:15 before I made it home after dropping off the team at the high school. Talk about a long day! This is not to mention that I had to decide if I should tell Son2 he had to come with me since he'd gotten overheated in class and I didn't really want him home alone - he did end up staying home by himself for an hour or so but did fine.

Son1 got 2 more PR's at the meet - he ran the mile in 6.28 and the 400 in 1.12. His 800 m was a little slower than the last time he ran it. I really would like to go to his meet tonight but it's an hour west of here and would be another very late night. Son1 has half-jokingly decided that he runs better without me there. I struggle with that as it's so important to me to be at as many of the boys' events/activities as I possibly can. On the other hand, I can only run so much before both the son not participating and I burn out from exhaustion. So...we will likely stay home tonight unless Son1 does not meet the bus after school before he leaves.

Saturday Meet

Well...we had tears again after the meet. The meet itself went fine - it was very interesting to watch (except too cold to stay outside the entire time) as it was all relays. However they weren't the standard 4x400 m relays - they were all mixed up. For example the first two runners ran 100m each, the next one ran 200m and the 4th ran 400m or the first ran 200m, the second 400m, the third 800m and the fourth 1200m. They also had hurdle relays where they had teams divided into two parts - one ran the hurdles in one direction, the other ran the other way. Son1 got another Personal Record on his leg of the 4x400m relay - shaved another second off his time. That seems like so little typed out but it's huge for him. And he knew he was running faster as he was doing it - his body was telling him so. So I was proud of him and he was pleased I think. The tears came after we got home - when he was telling me about the teammate who has bullied him in the past - and how angry he was at this teammate at the meet. Apparently L had put ice cubes down Son1's back. That is something that generally tends to be done in fun but Son1 took it as a personal attack. So he's frustrated with the whole situation - and I truthfully don't know how to help encourage him. I did remind him that he's only got a week of track left this year and then he moves on to the high school. (this student is younger than him - and is definitely a bully but in a different grade)

This coming week will be another busy one - I have another field trip to drive in the morning, Son1 has 3 track meets this week and Son2 has TaeKwonDo class. We also have Erin's house on Thursday night. I desparately need to be able to accomplish when I am at home this week - not sure how I will manage that.

Ok...it's getting late and I need to be heading for bed. Still much to do before I can get there.

Random JigJigga Memories

I've decided to write a "just for fun" post - keeping in mind and prayer that there are those facing major things in their lives today.

Another blogger asked at the end of one of her posts what memories her readers had from when they were young. This prompted me to think back to my days in Ethiopia mainly - as a child. At one point while there we lived in a 2 bedroom house with no electricity and no indoor choo (toilet). Mom and Dad likely would not remember this place with such fondness as I'm certain there was much more work involved than other places we lived. However I made a list of memories from that house.

I remember.....
.... getting to sleep in the living room - where I got to watch the sunrise every morning.
..... my sister falling out of the top bunk in the room she shared with our brothers - and my having to give my bed in the living room to her as a result.
...... Dad laying on the floor in the kitchen priming the refrigerator by sucking turpentine through a tube.
...... Dad falling through the ceiling in their bedroom after taking a misstep in the attic.
..... getting to rock my youngest brother in the rocking chair one day - he was sick - holding his hot fevered body until he suddenly threw up all over - think Mom was likely busy with the others - or fixing a meal for us.
..... spending hours up in the tree near the outhouse reading books - and staying put even when I was called for lunch
...... having other missionaries in for Sunday night sings - lit by kerosene lamps
...... riding bikes.

I'm sure there are many other memories but these are the ones that stand out to me. It would be fun to hear your memories from childhood also.

Silly Sally Dog

So earlier this evening it's thundering and lightening out - we are under a severe thunderstorm watch and warning (I get those all confused). The wind was blowing hard - trees looked almost sideways and honestly I kept waiting for branches to come down - or a close lightening strike. Thankfully that didn't happen. However we did - again - have a power outage - very short this time but enough to knock all the clocks out, the computer off, tv, etc off. And apparently enough to thoroughly scare Sally - for the next hour or so she was right where I was - and as close as she could physically get to me. She followed me to do the laundry - which she *never* does, dishes, and even tried to climb in my lap! She's so silly! And honestly - while I'm not a huge dog lover I'm very thankful we have her.

It's Official

It's official - Son2 is now officially signed up to do Tai Kwon Do again. Tonight was the hardest class I've watched so far - focusing on personal discipline (and integrity). Students spent time standing at attention (not military attention - but back straight, hands at their hips, eyes straight ahead) for one minute at a time. Then it was 4 different stretches - holding each one for a count of 60. This doesn't sound like much but picture arms up and forward, hands clasped, palms facing outwards - legs in a half squat (a squat would have been easier!), or 1 knee bent, the other stretched out behind or bent over, hands on the floor - clasped. I'm sure my desciptions don't give one any idea how difficult these were - I rarely see Son2 sweating during class. He did tonight - just dripping down his face. He was tired when it was over! However he wants to do this bad enough that my telling him that we won't attend class unless he picks up is good incentive. So...we will see now how it continues. I really would love to see him get his black belt. It will take time and work though.

On a different note I finally got my unit 1 assignments back. Two of the three pictures I sent in generally were good - showing I understood the objectives. The other one I have to redo - it wasn't quite what they wanted to see. I'm not as disappointed over it as I was afraid I might be - the instructor was very clear in his explanations of what I did right and wrong. And I had an "ah-ha" moment on the one that had to demonstrate distance - near and far in the same picture. It's still scary - can I actually get good enough to help to support myself and the boys with it?

Is a Picture Worth a Thousand Words?

A picture may be worth a thousand words BUT only if the story-teller who took the picture is around! This has become so very real to me the past couple of days as I've sorted through pictures trying to find ones to put in my boys' memory books. I've got plenty of pictures of our early marriage years (and post-kid years) - a few of our dating years and even less of Mike's growing up years. And those few that I do have don't have meaning to me because I don't know the stories behind them. I do, for example, know that his family took a trip to Yellowstone, Mt. Rushmore and Disney - but I have no idea of when or how they travelled or what was special about the trip. There are no stories - funny or otherwise - associated with those pictures. It makes it really hard for me to make the childhood portion of the books/albums anything more than a static boring display of school pictures and other professional portraits. What I really want to include is some idea of who my husband was and what made him that way. On the other hand, this reality makes me realize the importance of journalling - the every day stuff not just the big events. And not necessarily to have all of it read by "everyone" but for the sake of leaving a legacy that is understood and has meaning.

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On a different note, Thursday night's track meet was cancelled so we all got to go to Grief Group. The meet was not cancelled until one of the drivers for it had actually shown up at the middle school and I was already on my afternoon bus route. It made for interesting radio chatter as drivers adjusted schedules and made new arrangements for their children. I even had to get on and ask someone to get ahold of Son1 to let him know that I knew it was cancelled so he would stop trying to reach me by phone. A good portion of this area was under a tornado watch so even though it was trying to be sunny out there was still weather concerns. And Grief Group was crowded! It seemed that since "everyone's" events were cancelled they all showed up. I just think it really shows how much it's needed and helpful to so many - but I was glad it wasn't my first time there because I likely wouldn't have gone back - too many strange people.

Last night Son1 and I went to the visitation for his classmate/teammate's mom. It was a 30 minute drive there and back and we were likely only at the funeral home for about 15 minutes. However I think it was important for Son1 that he was able to show support for his friend no matter how short a time we were there. We did not have a visitation for Mike - sometimes I question the wisdom of that for both myself and the boys. However after last night, Son1 at least says he's glad we didn't do that. He found it "creepy" to have the open casket in the room and I wasn't able to comfortably explain any reasons for a visitation. I left Son2 with friends as he didn't have any need to be there.

Son2 and I have a good part of the day to ourselves today. It's beautiful and sunny outside so we should be able to do some much needed mowing abit later. However Son2 is upset that he's home alone without Son1 and is not eager or willing to help wiht chores. So that could be a challenge as Saturday chores are requred anyway.

I've been on the computer for enough time for now - it's time to close off and get going on stuff.

Unmotivated

I don't feel like I have much to write about today. Yesterday was a rainy cool day - more like spring is supposed to look like. Actually it rained most of the day yesterday and felt quite cold to me. I had a very difficult time getting motivated to do much of anything - felt like I needed to be creative but couldn't figure out what exactly to work on. I ended up sorting pictures - mainly ones I already had laying out to work on. I feel like I made a slight bit of progress but not much.

It's rained most of the morning but seems to be trying to clear up now. I was rather hoping the track meet for tonight would be postponed as I think Son1 would benefit from grief group tonight. If it's not cancelled, Son2 and I will miss it as we will be at grief group. So I'm still waiting to hear.

On a different note - it looks like my lilacs might bloom yet. They are trying to anyway. I thought the late season snow might have killed them off.

Change in Plans

Ok...this morning felt very much like a case of "Who's on First?" I was scheduled to drive a bus to the Wizards game today. However we got there and there was no need for 7-8 buses - I think they ended up taking 5 out of the ones that were there - not including mine or the handicap bus. It was a mess with the principal appearing more confused than anyone. I really don't mind not going - it would have been fun if my boys had been going but neither one attends that school. However this way I'll have the energy to make dinner and get some stuff done around the house.

Since I got home I've replanted all 7 of the bushes we put in on Saturday - something had come along and dug them up. I suspect it was likely deer or possibly coons. Either way they didn't like them (thankfully) so it was simply a matter of putting them back down into the soil and then watering them tonight. I've also started a load of laundry and intend to go take a nap. The cherry shrubs should produce in 2-3 years and I forget how big they will get - 25 ft. seems way too big as they are supposed to be dwarf cherries. At some point I will need to get mulch and top soil but doubt it will be today.

Ramblings

This is the start of another long day - I'm one of 8 buses driving an elementary school to the Wizards game. This will be the first time I've done that so it will be an experience - and a LONG day.

Last night's track meet went fairly well - it was certainly fun to watch. The other team had a kid who grew up in Kenya - I think his background was from a country close to Kenya. Anyway....he could run!!! Any race he was in we were pretty much guaranteed to come in second at best - he was usually at least half a lap ahead of our best guys. Even starting near the back of the line-up he just took off and moved ahead. And he made it look effortless! Son1 was less than satisfied with how he did overall - his mile time was bit slower than it was last Thursday. However he did get a Personal Record on his 400 meter run. He's not a sprinter and that shows in his gait so to have that be the only PR he had is really good.

Son2 was a challenge - he didn't want to go to the meet, he didn't want to eat where we ate after the meet, he didn't want to to go bed when we got home. ...As a firstborn I can't understand all his frustrations at getting "dragged" to all his brother's activities and not being involved in much of his own. Yet I will admit it's kind of a pain - especially since he doesn't have the option to stay home and have another family member watch him. And it's exhausting. Anyway any suggestions to make it easier on him and us would be appreciated.

Got to go - it's getting late and I'm not ready for work.

Opportunity

I wanted to write last night but it got too late. Son1 was offered the opportunity to run in a Mini-Marathon in 2 weeks - the entry fee was already paid. However he isn't going to do it. I have mixed emotions about this - I think it would have been a cool opportunity for him. On the other hand 2 weeks wasn't much advance notice and he's not trained for such an event. Additionally it would have meant that I would have had to come up with the room in the budget for an overnight in Indianapolis, food for the 3 of us and gas...not to mention any other incidentals that I haven't thought about. So....we aren't going. Son1 feels that he wants more time to train for such an event so he's very accepting of not going. Not to mention that he has 2 track meets a week for the next 3 weeks or so and he does want to run a 5K at the end of May.

Off to start a busy busy week - if you think of it, pray for alertness as I drive the bus - I have extra driving to do this week.

Landscaping

Well it looks like my roses survived the hard freezes we had at the beginning of this month. I spent time outside today clearing away winter debris - leaves, branches, left-over dead growth from last year that needed clipping out. Under all that garbage I could see the beginnings of new growth on the roses - some that had frozen but some that had come on since our last freeze and looked healthy. In the same flowerbed there's another plant - I don't know what it was called but it's a silvery foliage plant - that I put in last summer. I clipped off the old dead stuff from the winter, cleared away the leaves and found new growth coming up. I'm really excited - I love plants like that - that are perennials and come back every year. There's still work to be done in that flowerbed and more in others. However it was so neat to see the new growth and realize the roses had survived. (that's actually a big deal because I'm not one to heavily mulch and "winterize" plants - I tend to just let leaves and stuff accumulate to keep them warm which I then clear out the following spring). I'm sure there's a spiritual analogy to make from that but right now I can't express it.

I also put in 6 cherry shrubs that I'm hoping will produce fruit in a couple of years - and a forsythia. I have 3 more forsythia's to plant - just need to decide exactly where to put them. The cherry shrubs (which right now just look like twigs) are near my full-grown cherry tree - I'm hoping they will help to pollinate it so that I will get fruit off that as well. The boys dug the holes for what I planted today. Son1 still wants to get a garden in also but the tiller's not working well enough to till it up yet. We also burned branches that we picked up out of the yard and mowed a good portion of it. There's still another hour's worth of mowing to do I'm sure.

My peach trees are blooming, the plum trees have been - maybe I'll see some fruit off them as well. We'll have to wait and see - the weather might have killed them off. I'm seeing bumble bees around - around the dandelions and the lilacs - the latter have not bloomed this spring so far.

Friday Again

This week seems to have gone by fast - yet slow. I sure didn't accomplish all I would have liked to but I'm really glad it's Friday again - and hopefully this time we will actually have a nice weekend. I've got alot of work that needs done outside and it's been too cold. The plan tentatively for the weekend is to do the running that needs done this afternoon - then we'll be able to stay home tomorrow and I might get the house clean and stuff planted. I also need to get the lawn mowed - and finish the book work on my next set of lessons so I can do the assignments.

The track meet last night went well overall I think. Son2 spent most of the time helping in the concession stand - he did very well. Making change in his head with people waiting seemed to be a bit stressful for him but he was accurate with it - and cheerful about it. I was so pleased with him for being so helpful. Son1 did very well in the meet - he participated in 4 events - 1600 meter, 800 meter, 1600 meter relay and either discus or shotput (I forget). In all 3 of the races he improved his personal times - met or beat his personal goal that he'd set for himself. I didn't get to see him run any of the entire races but I was able to get out of the "concession cave" to cheer him on abit. (I have developed a big mouth when it comes to cheering my boys on at events!) Anyway I was very proud of him - he did well. He was abit disappointed that he didn't beat more runners - I reminded him that the important thing is that he beats his own times - anything else is icing on the cake.

Single Parenting & Involvement

Ok...it really sucks to be a single parent - the only one responsible to do the errands, cook the meals, gets kids to where they need to be, etc. I ended up not driving the bus this morning because I got up feeling pretty lousy. By the time I got a call back from my boss about not driving I was already back in bed rapidly falling asleep. I slept a couple of hours past the time the kids left (after they got themselves around), then got up and tried to get around. Long story short - I would have taken the entire day as a sick day but knew I had to get to the grocery store, plus Son2 had Tai Kwon Do and Son1 had to be picked up from track practice.

During the course of getting around I talked to another friend and commented that it "sucks to be a single parent". Her response was "I know". She's not a single parent - was one for about 4 months when her kids were very young but then remarried and has had help and support since. So her response rubbed me wrong because I thought "how could you know? You've never had to try to be in 2 or more places at once!" I bit my tongue and didn't say anything - just let the topic of conversation go back to what's going on in her life.

On a different note - sometimes I think I need to learn to say no! I'm the parent in charge of the concessions for the home track meet tomorrow (and possibly for the season!) That means that I will drive my afternoon bus route then head straight back to the middle school to run the concession stand until the meet is over or we sell out of stuff. I have to arrange to get Son2 to the middle school instead of home - that will likely be the biggest challenge. And it's questionable as to whether or not I will get to see Son1 run - that will depend entirely on how much, if any, help I have. So tomorrow will definitely be a long day. But I'm a little excited about it as I enjoy being involved and getting to help.

Ok...today has been the day I've not accomplished anything. I got my hair cut and have taken a nap. It's the day I've hit my "wall" of exhaustion so to speak. So I'm not pushing it - have planned spagetti for dinner, know I need to make a run to Walmart for a few groceries but am just sort of kicking back and taking things easy today. I didn't sleep well last night - when I did sleep I had some pretty wild dreams. Next week I will be driving field trips both Monday and Tuesday - Tuesday's will be a long day as I'm scheduled to be one of 7 or 8 buses that are taking a whole elementary school to see a Wizards game. It means that the rest of the week will be reserved for taking care of stuff around the house and working on my course.

Son2 was dressed and ready to go to TQD class last night by the time I got the school bus parked. He seemed to have fun though I can tell that some of it is completely new to him. He will have to practice tonight - learned 5 steps of the first pattern that he's to work on. He's also to do 25 side kicks each night. I may do some of the stretching and the sidekicks with him - that will be good for me. I think he was pretty tired afterwards - and didn't fight going to bed too much. It's nice to be able to get back into a bit of a routine.

Monday Musings

I rather suspect that this week will be a time mainly of rest and hopefully rejuvenation. I've been exhausted since last Thursday - yet still trying to keep up with the "running" - taking care of the kids, the house, work...the list goes on. Thursday night was Grief Group - Son2 and I went. Son1 had an Academic Olympic Meet - we didn't make it home to get him picked up. Thankfully one of his teachers was willing to bring him home and drop him off.

Friday I watched the son of one of my friend's while she and the rest of the family went to a funeral. We had a good time playing - outside of a screaming fit when his mom left D did great. D is 2 years old and I've known him since he was an infant. I've actually kept him overnight once almost a year ago now. He just recently had his tonsils out - I got to visit him in the hospital and had a ball doing that. Anyway....I was completely wiped out Friday night so my boys and I stayed home. Saturday we ran - spent several hours in town. I promised Son1 that I would buy him good quality running shoes once I knew he was going to stick to running. We took care of that, then went to the mall.....I think we left home around 2:30 and didn't get home again until bedtime. It snowed heavily most of the time we were gone.

Sunday morning there was 2-3 inches of snow on the ground and trees - it was amazing. It was beautiful, sunny and cold - though by mid-afternoon all the snow had melted. The boys and I went to church but didnt' go to Bible study last night. Being home was good for all of us - and it turned out that we didn't miss much because two others who attend also missed. I had both boys in their rooms in bed by 8:30 last night - much needed by all of us I think.

Today I'm still weary - still dealing with the itchy burning eyes. But the sun is shining, the day is supposed to warm up into a nice day....I hope to get a nap in addition to getting some things taken care of around the house and work on my course. And I've decided how I want to do the quilts for the boys - I plan to use simple squares - not cut or heavily pieced - simply cut as squares from the shirts and then stitched together. Then I will use a color that's a favorite of the boys as backing. I'm not sure how I will "quilt" them but that's something I can figure out later.

Catching Up

Mom and Dad left about 10:00 this morning to head home. They should get in earlier then they arrived because as far as I know they don't have any stops to make on the way home. Hopefully the roads won't be too bad - we've had rain mixed with snow and possibly some sleet again this morning. By noon yesterday we had close to an inch of slushy sleet/snow on the deck. Son1's track meet was cancelled due to the weather. I rejoiced as I wasn't looking forward to standing out in the weather to watch it. No matter how many blankets, etc we packed we wouldn't have been able to stay warm and dry. However I know Son1 was very disappointed.

My tulips are still trying to survive - they bravely lift their heads up in the afternoon after a very cold morning. It's impressive to watch - how often do I not want to lift my head and continue on after a trial?

We have 5 surviving baby kittens - 3 were born Easter Sunday, the other 2 on Tuesday. All are well hidden - though I had to help one of the mama's protect hers from the cold and wet yesterday. (We lost one of hers due to the cold) Eventually I'll get pictures of them and maybe even figure out how to post them. Speaking of pictures - I haven't heard anything back yet on the ones I sent in for my course - am hoping that will be soon. Hopefully tomorrow I will have a chance to work on the next lessons. I'm too exhausted today (mainly due to emotions).

Just made a fresh batch of peach jam - it's cooling on the kitchen counter now. Would love to have some fresh homemade bread with it. However that won't happen just yet. Today's an early release day for the students so the teachers can have a in-service in the afternoon. On the one hand that's nice because we all get done earlier. On the other hand, one doesn't accomplish much around the house those days. Tonight Son2 and I will go to Grief Group. Son1 has an Academic Team competition to go to - it's always on a Thursday evening that we have Grief Group but it's only once a year. He just wants us to get directly home afterwards so that we can be home in time to get him picked up.

Better scoot - I have to leave on the bus in just under a half hour.

Well Maybe....

Well maybe the tulips and daffodils will survive! We've had almost a week of below average temps with some very cold hard freezes overnight. But this afternoon it looked like the tulips were trying to stand up again and have their buds open. I truly do hope so! Today was slightly warmer than the past few days so ti was nice.

Back to school went well though I confess to not being ready to get up this morning. It was a very quiet afternoon on the bus - that was nice. I had several students miss the bus this morning though as a whole they seemed to be glad to be back as well.

I've got a bunch more to write about but too tired tonight as I didn't get home from my Amish run last night until about 11:30 pm. It went well overall also - no major snow to deal with - that was nice. Have the pictures we took in to have scanned back - picked them up this evening. I will order reprints soon and get working on teh albums. Tomorrow possibly I'll get the originals into an album.

Ok...it really is bedtime.

Projects & Pictures

Everyone has gone to bed - it's just past 10:00pm. So far it's been way too cold to do much outside. I'm going to end up pulling out my winter clothes again - I'd put most away as it was warming up so nicely. Son1 appears to have completely lost his winter coat - and he's now grown up enough to say he no longer wants to wear a heavy winter "parka" because they are too bulky and thick.

So far I've done 3 CD's of Mom and Dad's slides - I wish I could get them to go into a slide show. However so far I've not been able to figure that out. But it's been fun to sit down at night and go through the ones I've managed to get done. I take notes so that I can edit the titles/info on the slides as needed. It's really fun to listen to Mom and Dad reminisce - they will look at a slide and be able almost instantly to come up with info that I don't have for it. They've talked about my brother N's SS/kid's club that he led at Kijabe school - I had no idea that had gone on. We identified a couple of my sister K's friends from school - kids that I knew and were somewhat friends with. We've laughed over how impish my youngest brother D looks - and how much my Son2 resembles him.

As far as the albums for the boys - today Mom and I went through the old albums that his mom had given me and got the pictures out. I ended up taking them to the camera store and am having them all put on a CD. That will mean I can then order reprints of the ones I want to include and have them all be the same size. I will then mount the originals into another album that's photo safe. Not sure how much I will get done tomororw as I have a longer Amish run scheduled for the afternoon. (I really really hope and pray that it doesn't snow heavily for that!)

Trips & Arrivals

Well Son2 is safely home from his trip to DC. He took a 2 hour nap yesterday then was up the rest of the day. He had a good trip except for their visit to one mall where he had to spend time as the only boy with a group of girls who didn't feel they needed watching over. He got a solid 10 hours of sleep last night so should be catching up and read y to go today.

Mom and Dad arrived here safely last night about 9:30 - fairly late for them but....guess they ran into some heavy snow squalls and at least one major accident that occasioned a detour that took quite some time. They are still sleeping this morning but we sat up and visited for an hour or so they arrived. I'm really looking forward to their time here - we'll go through the slides that I've managed to get scanned, visit a lot....Mom has said she's willing to help me get the boys' albums started. Of course it will go far too fast. And unfortunately it's too cold to do too much outside.

More another time - everyone is now awake.

One Finished Project

Ok....the floor is "finished" - in that all the carpet is out (unless you count the closet - which I don't). It looks good for not having been refinished yet and I'm satisfied with what we accomplished. When Son2 and I go out tonight for our movie I am planning on stopping into a home improvement place to get shelf supports to put some additional shelves up for Son1's airplane collection. I know he's already purchased himself a couple of new ones on this trip he's on - and his current shelf is full. I also intend to get a couple of bins for some of his stuff - our dining room table is still mostly covered with stuff I took off his dresser and bookshelves. Maybe if he ends up with a place for all his treasures the room itself will stay neater. I can only hope. Son2 also needs more shelves but not as badly - he's much better about not keeping all his school papers in his bedroom.

Son2 is currently happily playing outside with 2 younger girls - they are running around riding scooters, bikes, jumping....I'm thankful because it gives me some time to take care of some other stuff like paying bills and getting the back room cleaned for Mom and Dad's arrival. I would like to finish at least one more box of slides but am not sure if that will happen or not. I have also arranged to have a dumpster delivered on Thursday so that we can get the barn cleaned out. There's now carpet from 2 bedrooms nad the hallway, bathroom remodel stuff, boxes, stuff that should have been given away that has now become trash.....I'll be glad to see it gone - at least mostly gone.

I've still got laundry to do and fold, some sweeping and vacuuming to do....but overall the house looks much better than it did two days ago. I'm pleased.

Must go pay bills and get off the computer.

A change in Plans

Change of plans for today - I was going to pull carpet in Son1's room with Son2's assistance. However Son2 spent the night at a friend's last night so I'm going to clean! (hopefully) I got a start on the kitchen late last night so I'm going to finish that, then work on the family room and bathrooms. Tomorrow Son2 has a haircut scheduled - it was supposed to be both boys but since Son1 is not going to be home yet....it can't be. Then we will also pull carpet - hopefully finishing Son1's room. For dinner tomorrow night we are supposed to be going to see a movie that just came out this past weekend - paying full prices. However this time we are going to try something very different and go to Cinema Grill to see the movie.

On a different note - I'm doing much better emotionally than I was last time I posted. I was very very down - not just because of Rachel's situation though that contributed muchly. Sleep, sunshine and the encouraging words of friends have helped alot - I will continue to plug along - thankful for my blessings, trusting for the other issues.

My first cup of coffee is done so it's time to head into my day. Have a lot to accomplish today.

Why?

Ok....I'm not doing so well right now - desparately need to talk to someone but there's no one around.

There's a local Amish family that I've hauled some members of occasionally - one of their daughters has just been diagnosed with a brain tumor. (This daughter is a twin) Initially it sounded like the news was "good" - that there were no tendrils/fingers of the tumor extending into the brain and that the doctors might be able to do something for her. However the latest news is that there are tendrils extending through out the brain - think eyes on a potato - the longer they sprout outwards, the deeper they also go inwards. Surgeons have drained 140 cc's of fluid off to relieve the pressure and will be continuing to drain fluid as needed. The oldest daughter just got married less than 2 weeks ago, the youngest child is 6 months old (also a daughter) and I'm not sure how many there are in between. Rachel (with the tumor) is 11 or 12 and is hospitalized 2 - 2 1/2 hours south of here. The baby is down there with the parents - the other children are having to hire a driver to go back and forth to visit. There are still the chores to do to keep up the home front - taking care of the animals, the house, the business....The Amish community is generally fairly closely knit so I know they have help. But it's still a trying time.

I struggle with this whole situation. To me a diagnosis of a brain tumor is pretty much automatically a "terminal diagnosis" - if not soon, still eventually. Personally I tend to want to very much distance myself from the situation - to block it out and pretend it doesn't exist. It makes me ask "Why? Why isn't there an effective treatment for this (or any cancer for that matter)? Why do kids get this - especially?" I know it's awful for anyone to go through but how much worse for a child! I think - why does God allow this? but I know that the answer truly is that it's a result of the fall and the sinful condition of all in this world. I know that God must have a plan in allowing this for Rachel and this family - I don't know where they are with having a personal relationship with God. I hope and pray that if they don't this will draw them to Him. Beyond that all i have is my questions.

Field Trip

11 hours on the bus - including my morning bus route and today's trip. I'm exhausted! And stiff! Now I remember why I refused to do "turn-around trips" to Mike's doctor in OKC.....tey are rough on the body! Having said that, it was overall a good trip. The museum complex was beautiful - and the museum had more to see than could possibly be seen in just 2 hours. I gathered that the zoo was also in the complex, as well as what looked like a water park of some sort and a couple of museums. I got to see some of the museum but not nearly as much as I would have like to. It's someplace that I would like to take the kids back to - to spend more time at and actually get to see more - especially since they are currently showing an IMAX movie about space. We drivers did not go into the capital building as our buses were parked on the side of a little cobblestone road and we didn't feel comfortable leaving them. So that was 90 minutes sitting on or outside the buses - it was not bad weather but just long and not overly comfortable. The drive back probably felt like the longest part of the trip - more traffic due to the beginning of rush hour combined with tired, hyper kids. Ah well....I survived.

On a different note I found out this evening that the daughter of one of the Amish families I occasionally haul has been hospitalized in Indy's children's hospital with a brain tumor. I don't understand why there seems to be such an increase in brain tumors and why scientists can't find a cure/preventative.

Rain, Flowers & Photography Course

Well today I'm reminding myself that it's the spring showers that also help to bring out the spring flowers! My crocuses have bloomed, the daffodils are blooming....leaves are coming out on bushes & the fruit trees look like they are about to bloom. However today it's a cold rainy damp day that makes one just long to crawl back into bed for a long nap! I can certainly tell that I at least am very ready for spring break - am looking forward to a few days of sleeping in - and hopefully not too much running. However before that can happen I have 2 1/2 more days of school/ bus route to get through - tomorrow is Son2's all day field trip to Indianapolis to visit the capital. I get to drive that - and won't have a group of children to be responsible for during the day. I plan to tag along with Jonathan's group during tour time. However they've instructed the kids to bring a lunch that they can eat on the bus! (can you just imagine the sticky floors with spilled juice/pop? Guess I'd better remember to bring extra paper towels, wipes and trash bags) However while I can snack and drive I don't feel that I can eat a lunch and drive. Therefore I felt I needed to not have a group to chaperone around - not to mention the fact that if I'm a bus driver and a chaperone the kids don't get my full attention because my first responsibility is to being the bus driver.

On a different note....I mailed my first set of assignments this morning. I'm still not done with the test part of the lesson so that didn't get mailed. But that won't require a trip to the post office - I had to the take the assignments to the post office to make sure I had the right amount of postage on them. So...they are officially sent off. While I'm waiting for them to come back I'll go ahead and get started on the next ones. No major set of emotions either - except maybe relief that they are in the mail.

Ok....time to go scan some slides, continue to work on cleaning and organizing this room for Mom and Dad's visit next week and generally try to accomplish something today.

Photography Course

To answer those who've asked about my photography course - it is a through the mail course - 30 some lessons in all through New York Institute of Photography. It's a course that I've been interested in taking for more years than I can remember - I remember seeing advertisements for it come back in my mom's pictures that she would send off to get developed. Anyway....I finally decided to do this course - as part of healing and starting my life over. And because people have said I'm gifted at photography and I feel I need to do something with that gift that God has blessed me with.

They promise that if I do the photo projects they will make me a successful photographer. So...we will see. It's scary - and takes time. But I am enjoying it so far. I usually use my old trusty Minolta SLR - I also have a Nikkon digital SLR that I'm learning to use. My goal isn't to be able to work in a studio - definitely not to own one. I would like to be able to freelance some of my pictures and eventually make enough income to help support myself and the boys.

I'm not sure what else to post on this - hope that answers the questions.

An Unexpected Day

Well today I get an unexpected day at home - alone for a good part of it. I had an Amish run scheduled - that would have had me missing church (which I didn't realize until after I'd accepted it) so I sent both boys together with Son1's ride. Then I went to leave and to start the car - nothing but a click when I turned the key. Thankfully I was able to contact the Amish family and they were able to catch a ride with someone else. Once that was done I relaxed and plan to enjoy this much needed time at home. Last week I was gone 6 days out of 7 - running errands, etc during the times I'm usually at home during the day and in the evenings. By yesterday it had caught up to me - I get grumpy when I don't have regular down time at home - the hosue was a mess, emotionally I was a mess....So I am rejoicing in having a "dead" car. And after I finish this second cup of coffee I'm going to probably take a short nap since I didn't sleep overly well last night. (it's really not smart to allow yourself to sleep (doze) for 2 hours late in the day - especially when you know your depression meds have a tendency to mess up your sleep patterns)

Practicing

My photo for my third assignment is taken and developed. I'm sending that one in as a 4x6, one is going in as a 5x7 and the other one I'm rather undecided on size. I can go as large as 8x10 but will probably do most as 5x7's. Anyway...I learned today that one should always check the front of the camera lens to make sure that there is no filter that will change the picture into something you don't want. Actually wiser still would be to make sure I always remove any extra filters I put on the lens in the first place. I took a picture of a red barn and then the fields behind it. Just on a whim I took one using my Minolta film camera and another using my digital....the digital came out much more color saturated - looked much better. I was rather amazed at the difference. I'm certain that it was because I had my neutral density filter left on - today was an overcast grey day and the picture certainly showed that. Anyway....my 1 1/2 hours or so spent driving around taking pictures certainly was educational - good practice for me. And I enjoyed myself in spite of really wanting to stay home and warm taking a nap. I just have to finish up the "test" that comes at the end of the lesson then I can send all 3 assignments in and start on the next section.

On another note...my wedding veil is still inside the house - in the smaller box that was inside the huge box. I'm not sure exactly what to do with it at this point....I don't want to put it back in the shed just in the cardboard box - and it won't fit in the plastic bin I put the other stuff in.

Meltdown

Ok...I melted down tonight. In the process of helping Son2 look for TQD (tai quon do) info I found a box of wedding stuff - cards, unused invites, our unity candle, table decorations, my wedding veil....I brought that stuff inside to try to consolidate it into something smaller that was not a cardboard box. I was able to do that but by the time I had supper ready I was falling apart. I can only put it down to grief and going through that stuff. It makes me seriously question how I'm going to go through all the stuff to do those albums for the boys. And I doubt very much I could describe those emotions for anyone if I tried.

Assignments Not Finished

Ok....so it's Monday and I don't have my photography assignments completely ready to go in the mail yet. I have the enlargements made for the 1st two, and have taken the third. However those are not developed yet - I have to take the roll of film in and get it developed then an enlargement done of the picture. I also have to finish the paperwork that needs to go with all the pictures and include my quizzes. It was exciting to realize that in the last two months or so I'd already taken the first two pictures that I needed but disappointing to have to take the third. I still hope to and plan to get the paperwork done today. However it will likely be Wednesday or Thursday before I get the stuff in the mail.

I have spent time this morning on the phone with a pharmaceutical company trying to find out if I can possibly qualify to get my prescription meds free or at a highly reduced rate. What the dr. has me on right now is not the best for me I don't think. He's switching me to something that he gets samples from in the office. The problem is that if I take it in the morning I'm up at night but if I take it in the evening, while I sleep much better I struggle with alertness in the mornings. I would rather take it in the mornings - at a lower dose and not sleep as well then sleep well and have a challenging time waking up. So...I went through part of the application process over the phone - now I have to wait for the paperwork to come in the mail, fill it out, take it to the dr's office to have them fill out and write a 'script for, send it in and wait for them to decide if I'm accepted or not. It will take 3-4 weeks at least. I would really appreciate prayers that I'm accepted into this program. It still won't negate the need for insurance but it will help.

The other things I've spent time doing was folding laundry, trying to take a short nap, cleaning the kitchen and beginning to look into the possiblity of getting Son2 back into Tai Kwon Do training. Both boys were involved in that before we left OK - beginning the same month Mike died. Once we moved they were not willing to get into another school here. However this past weekend Son2 went and dug out all his old gear. He's requested to get back into training - realizing that he may have to start all over at the lowest belt level. So...I've got to call some schools, schedule some appointments to go visit and observe and then get him into classes. He will at that point need some sort of accident insurance at least - another step in the process. However since he's brought it up and requested it I feel like it's important to look into. It will have a couple of benefits that I can see right off the bat - the first is that hopefully he will feel less left out because he will begin to have his own activities. He will likely begin to make new friends - they have been in severe shortage since we moved here. Plus hopefully it will teach him self-control, confidence and add to his maturity.

Ok...enough rambling. I'm going to finish my coffee and get off the computer for awhile. My posts tend to be really long but it's a release to me to write - and I love the comments.

WhoooHoooo

WhoHooo.....I've got my school bus back! It's so much nicer to drive - I felt like I was tying on a comfortable, well-broken in pair of shoes when I got back in it this morning. On the one hand, that may sound like a crazy analogy but on "my" bus I know where all the controls are - I don't have to fumble to find them, I can reach everything easily and I know how the bus responds to my direction. As a result I'm a much more relaxed driver - able to handle and respond to my riders more easily. We saw 48 deer this morning - and that may be a low count as there were a couple of groups of a dozen or more deer in them.

On a different note, I have two of my assignments done for my photography course - need reprints for the second one and actually have to take pictures for the third one. I'm really rather hoping for a gorgeous sunset tonight - the third assignment is to take a scenic picture - or more technically "a beautiful outdoor vista". The object of this one is to achieve a feeling of distance. (The second was to get something close-up - and blur the background - the first was to express a sense of speed.) So far the three pictures have all been nature scenes - that's already my strong point. I don't do as well with people. Either way - to actually chose the photos and send them in for someone else to look at and critique is way out of my comfort zone. I'm abit scared that the instructor will hate them - that's why it's taken me so long to actually do any of the assignments.

Ok...enough rambling. I've got some emails to send and then need to do some picking up at least.

Projects

My last post seemed to end abruptly and didn't really go where I wanted it to go - probably because I ran out of time to type it (and if I save stuff as drafts I often lose it). However I did appreciate the feedback and encouragement I received as a result. We made it through the anniversary date - Son1 probably had the hardest time that day. I got to go to breakfast with a friend here and with work stayed busy the rest of the day. Son1 returned from his retreat that afternoon - completely exhausted and grieving. During the retreat the kids had to come up with skits to show what a peacekeeper does - he came up with the idea of using the picture of him and his dad that he'd taken along - getting it, sitting down to look at it and then have a couple of other peacekeepers (his age - they were peer leaders for the younger ones who were just coming into the program) come over and talk with him about it. I don't know what exactly was said but it certainly made an impression on one of the kids on my school bus who'd been at the same retreat - he told me about it that Friday afternoon almost as soon as he got on the bus. However I'm sure doing that so publically brought the pain back for him. Son2 never said anything at all about it - not sure at all if it's because he's still trying to bury the pain or he really didn't remember.

Anyway....my dear aunt - who reads my blog and chooses to comment privately in an email - suggested that I use this time alone (not that I'm truly alone) to focus on finishing projects that I'm working on - and reminded me to remember that God has a plan for me. That scripture from Jer. 29 has been one of my favorites for many years - I just haven't focused on it enough recently. As a result of that encouragement I am going to focus on my photography course that I signed up for almost 2 years ago now. I'm now down to having to finish 33 lessons in just over a year. My immediate goal for this is to get the first two assignments done and ready to mail by Monday. Additionally, I'm going to try to focus on getting a handle on my finances (a topic for another post), my home - I hate housework - would much rather be working outside on stuff or reading, stitching or anything other than cleaning! And my weight - since I gave up my Y membership I've put pounds back on. (depression doesn't help either). As far as that goes....I find if I make sure I brush my teeth immediately after I'm done eating I tend to snack less. And does jumping on the trampoline count as exercise?? Now that's it's been nice out Son2 wants someone to jump with and it's usually me! (I finally figured out last night that that's likely part of the reason my legs have been so sore the last couple of nights).

One final project is something that's essentially unstarted - I have albums to make for the boys about their dad. I've been collecting pictures of his childhood, family, etc since he died but right now all are still in a bin. I've got the pictures I want to put in the front of each album - professional portraits of each boy with his dad and the albums. Outside of the first page the next main section should be almost identical for each boy as it will include copies of his family tree, childhood pictures and hopefully recollections from family members. (as a whole, hubby's family never talks about him - it's like he really didn't exist). Then I guess the final section will include pictures of the boys with their dad. The project is unstarted because so far I haven't been able to face doing this alone. I would absolutely love to have someone come along beside me and work with me on it - even if they were working on their own project but with me - in the same house, room or whatever.

Ok...enough rambling - it's time to go work on scanning slides. That's another major project I'm working on - scanning slides for my Mom and Dad. This way they will be on something current as far as media is concerned. And hopefully we will be able to get them labelled with the "who, what, when, where" information.

Looking Back

It seems appropriate today - on the 4th anniversary of my husband's death - to look at what I've been studying on Lot's wife. (I've been working my way through a book on the Women of the Bible). The first part of this is quoted from the book, the rest is my thoughts and hopefully insights.

Her Character: She was a prosperous woman who may have been more attached to the good life than was good for her. Though there is no indication she participated in the sin of Sodom, her story implies she had learned to tolerate it and that her heart had become divided as a result.

Her Tragedy: That her heart's choice led to judgement rather than mercy, and that she ultimately refused God's attempts to save her.

Key Scriptures: Gen. 18:16-19:29; Luke 17:28-33

"Lot's wife had only hours to live, though she never suspected it.......She must have welcomed the strangers (that her husband Lot brought home from the city gate) warmly for hospitality was a sacred trust in the ancient world.....She would have been aware of what when on at night when the men of the city came to the door....

Why did she turn, despite the angel's clear warning? Was her heart still attached to everything she left behind in the city - a life of comfort, ease and pleasure? Did she still have family trapped in the city?

The story of Lot's wife is a sad one isn't it? She is remembered less for who she was - wife, mother, daughter, sister - than for what she became - a pillar of salt?"

One of the major things that stood out to me was how comfortable Lot must have been to invite strangers that he had just met in the city gate to his home. Keeping in mind that the culture encouraged hospitality his wife must still have kept a very open, warm, welcoming open door - where extras to stay the night or for a meal didn't faze her at all. I confess that I'm certainly not that way - I would be frazzled if I had unexpected company - rushing around cleaning, preparing a meal, trying to make sure everything was "perfect" for company. I long to have a home that is welcoming like that but I'm nowhere near there currently.

The other way major thing is the question - Why did Lot's wife look back? What could she possibly have been thinking? Did she know that they had been entertaining angels? I picture them as tall handsome men - strong - the impression of strength comes from their ability to pull Lot back into the home and to take Lot, his wife and daughters by the hand and hurry them out of the city. In her situation what would my reaction have been? Would I have looked back - I certainly have the curiosity.

Then trying to apply that to myself today.....am I wrong to look back at my marriage and to grieve? Am I living too much in the past? How can I learn from the mistakes I made in our marriage, grow and move on? Will the pain ever end or decrease? Am I meant to continue alone - I know htat God is with me always but I mean alone without a teammate here on earth? What do I still have to learn?

Signs of Spring

Signs of spring - warming temperatures, snow melting, deer coming out in larger groups, sunshine, allergy induced cold-like symptoms and most importantly in my book - little shoots of bulbs poking through the snow. I went out yesterday looking - daffodils are beginning to come up. I couldn't find hyacinth or crocus yet but am sure they will come. Today temps are in the 40's and snow is definitely melting off. I'm thankful for a time of new beginnings - the ones outside and the ones I've experienced.

Today

Today did not turn out the way I expected at all. Emotionally I was somewhat better than I was last night - but still not good. Son1 left today for the next two days - at his retreat through school. It was really cool to have him come up to me before he left while the buses were loading and give me a k*** and get one from me. At his age that's not something expected or typical. Son2 is already missing him - saying he's bored. I'm glad that we have grief group tomorrow night. It was nice to be able to be home most of the evening tonight though.

Probably the biggest stress/frustration from today is that I had a parent of a child on my bus route call and completely chew me out verbally. Long story short - I had told my students to turn off any portable music devices as we were at a blind RR crossing. This student informed me "that's as quiet as mine will go" so I repeated my instructions to turn it off. He started cussing, I had him move....he continued cussing after he moved. He was going to get a conduct report for the cussing and the noise at the RR tracks. Apparently he went home and called dad who called the school to get my #. Then dad called me - said there's no way I could have heard his son's music, that it was my fault the son started cussing because I "made him angry enough to cuss - he's not like that" and then said I "needed to learn to get along with son". I ended up telling the dad that I was finished discussing this and hanging up on him. By that time I was pretty upset myself. Any other misbehavior this week likely would have gotten off with little to no action - simply because I didn't want the fact that I'm grieving extra to influence my decisions. However because this incident occurred at a RR crossing the son endangered the entire busload of students - that simply cannot be ignored. There's a possiblity that I'm going to have to say no personal music players - whether that be a phone, cd player or anything else involving headphones simply because this is becoming such an issue. I already absolutely don't allow cell phones to be used on the bus (which as it turned out this student was listening to music on - I didn't realize that at first). So...I have paperwork to fill out - I've already written this all down on regular paper - that I will then take into the office tomorrow morning to hopefully get the situation dealt with. I talked to another driver this afternoon - she said that everyone is having issues right now - all need a break.

On a different note....the other afternoon Son1 got on the bus and said "Mom I've lost my work ethic." I was like "what?" He explained that he was finding it hard to concentrate and focus on stuff. I was relieved to realize that it wasn't his work ethic that was at issue - it was simply the fact that he was distracted and grieving the loss of his dad this week - and very happy to reassure him that he hadn't lost his "work ethic". (I had to smile at his description though.) This afternoon I bumped into his math teacher at the school - she commented that she'd noticed that he wasn't himself - more easily frustrated, distracted, dreamy. I'm rather glad that she was able to validate that he was struggling a bit this week - though at the same time I hate for that to happen. One wonders when and if the grief will become less.

Rambling

Ok...I'm exhausted today - not sure why. However emotionally I'm ok....I went out to see my girlfriend with the broken ankle this morning then came home and fell asleep. I actually feel abit better - coffee and lunch will help tremendously. I won't accomplish much around the house today though - guess that was yesterday.

My car is properly fixed (finally!) and so much more pleasant to drive. When it gets a little warmer I think I'm going to try to get the inside cleaned out and shined up - just to go with the new parts. Last night's meeting went well overall - I suspect that only about half the incoming high school freshman showed up - it didn't seem to be as big a group as I expected. The renovations at the high school aren't finished yet but it will be nice when they are done. And I was impressed with the principal - the little I've seen of him so far anyway. It's really hard for me to imagine Son1 has a high school freshman but it's rapidly approaching. Son2, who had to come due to the time of the meeting, was extremely wound up - I could tell he was absolutely exhausted and afraid to be still. I will leave him home tonight as this evening's meeting is going to be shorter and is scheduled earlier.

Enough rambling for the moment - I want to write about Lot's wife but need t odo so more study first. I also want to put together a bracelet that's been "percolating" in the back of my mind but doubt I'll have to time to do so before time to head to work. We are supposed to get a couple of inches of snow overnight - and have a teacher improvement delay for in the morning. I don't care for those morning delays as they make it harder for me to figure out start times. However I'm kind of looking forward to being able to sleep in an hour anyway.

Time

Well I skipped Bible study tonight for a number of reasons not least of which is that I'm fighting a headache. I won't be able to see to stitch at all this evening I don't think. May scrap some though. The house is quiet as I got a ride for the boys - Son1 is enjoying participating in the study. The couple who picked them up for me (who's sons I've watched for part of this weekend and part of last weekend) pushed abit for me to go - wondered if it was a good thing for me to have time alone where I could potentially brood and get more depressed. What he doesn't understand is that if I don't have regular time alone - where I don't have to be on the go, working or otherwise busy things just overwhelm me that much more - especially if the house is a mess to start with. This week is shaping up to be extremely excessively busy - I expect to be gone most of hte day tomorrow and Tuesday. Wednesday Son1 leaves on a retreat for school - I don't have stuff scheduled during the day that I know of - that day or Thursday. Thursday evening Son2 and I will be out at our Grief group - that's a good thing. Friday...I don't know what's on the schedule except that Son1 will be home again - and that it will be 4 years since my husband died. I actually have a vague feeling that I will have something going on that night but no idea what. On the one hand, it seems like it's got to be longer than 4 years since he was gone. On the other hand, it almost seems like just last month. I still haven't been able to start albums for the boys about their dad - I would love to have someone come beside me and help with that. Son1 will be starting high school next year - his dad would be proud of him I think. Alright...any other thoughts I had to write about are gone.

24 Hours

It's amazing what a difference 24 hours can make weather-wise. Yesterday morning during bus route we had severe thunderstorms - heavy rain, thunder, lightening...the whole 9 yards. This morning - snow, white-out conditions in areas, very slick roads - I estimate that I had trouble stopping at least 50% of my stops - and I was driving very slow; accidents.....The change in behavior of my students was equally dramatic. Yesterday morning they were loud, bouncing in their seats, LOUD.....this morning it was very very quiet on the bus. Most of the students were able to feel the bus sliding and they seemed to understand how important it was for me to be able to concentrate. I'm sure less stressed this morning than I was yesterday morning though I'm still exhausted and struggling with depression.

I have cancelled the car repair work I had scheduled for this morning - rescheduled it for Monday morning. I'm also going to cancel going to my girlfriend's house - it's going to be disappointing for both of us. However I've heard of too many accidents on the roads - and the driveway could be a challenge. Plus if it keeps snowing....there's the extremely slim possibility that they will close school early.