Pretty discouraged tonight to say the least. The blackness threatens to overwhelm and the desire to run or do something destructive is very strong. I'm writing in the hopes that I can fight it off.

My driving record was pretty good until today. I do have a rather lead foot in my car but usually not too excessive. However I got a speeding ticket today - 3rd one in my driving time and 1st one in over 7 years. (I actually can't remember the last time I actually got a ticket...the very first time I was pulled over was a few days before I left to go back for a visit overseas well over 25 yrs ago. I think that time all I got was a warning to slow down. Think the 2nd time was probably a few days before my first wedding - which means it was over 20 yrs ago. That time I did get a ticket) I've been pulled over a couple times and let off with a warning - even those have not been too frequent - maybe 2x in the last 10 yrs. Typically it seems to happen when I'm distracted and have major stuff going on in my life or I'm exhausted. I guess overall I should be thankful it was only for speeding not reckless driving or anything like that. But I have to admit to being rather distraught over it.

The past few months have been stressful but things with B's business are definitely smoothing out. He's proceeding with plans to build a bigger shop - it is much needed. He is way busier than he ever expected to be and very little of it has to do with advertising. It is mainly word of mouth and repeat customers. Most of the time the current shop is packed full with jobs in various stages of completion.

Mom is stable - seems well settled into a nursing home. Dad is adjusting to the new schedule - it's still very rough on him as now he has to drive to see her rather than being able to take public transit. His other major stress is not having sufficient help to get Mom walking regularly - she does much better with that exercise. I have been toying with the idea of making a trip north over spring break next week to see them. However both boys have plans and I'm not sure how I can fit my hopes into theirs and still be here for B and Dipstick.

Dipstick is still struggling with school. He now has 2 F's and 2 passing grades in his core subjects. So overall that is improvement. Stretch and Squirrel are doing well - just busy. Academic team competitions, track and musical practice for Squirrel while Stretch has senior stuff, NHS, musical practices and everything else he is involved in.

Going to go take care of the chickens then make supper.