Deer and Daily Stuff

41 deer this morning. That's an all time high. Most were spread out though in one area we saw 21 divided between 2 sides of the road. It was fun to keep track. Yesterday we saw 20 deer, 1 coyote and what I think was an owl. It was a large, low-flying white bird that I passed in some woods. (at least the underfeathers were white). It's been fun. The only thing I wish is that I could bring my camera and get some pictures.

Yesterday I felt like I really accomplished alot. I refilled bird feeders, folded laundry, scanned through one large box and consolidated it with another smaller one, made some phone calls, baked cookies and muffins and even got some exercise in. Today.....I've visited my bus driver friend who's been out with a broken ankle and tried to catch a nap. It's a bit frustrating to feel like I'm not accomplishing anything and not know where to start. The 15 minute thing really does help but I can't even seem to get that together today. Sunday night I found a huge mess of pictures - baby pictures of both the boys mainly. It was a surprise as I had no idea they were in there - or really even that they'd been temporarily misplaced. It was also really exciting for me. I also found a negative for a picture of Son2 that I'd taken that I really liked and wanted to get more reprints of.

Guess I'd better go scan some more slides...only have 3 more weeks to get as much done as I can. I am really looking forward to Mom and Dad's visit.

Angry Mama Bear Part 2

An update on the "Angry Mama Bear" situation. I was able to talk to MaryAnne late Thursday night to get the whole story - and feel much better about it. This girl's actions were not (knowingly) instigated by any adults in charge. The entire mess came about because MaryAnne was attempting to make "everyone" happy, adequate communication did not happen and others involved were not at all happy. Son1 was the one who ended up being the "innocent victim". The long and short of it is that if he's willing to go back and lead worship for the rest of the year MaryAnne very much wants him to do so. He was originally chosen for this position because it was felt he had the maturity to handle the responsiblity. I do still hope that the girl involved is spoken with as she was out of line - it's not just a matter of simple "hurt feelings".

I still am very pleased about his response - even though it was obvious to me and somewhat to MaryAnne that he was hurt about it he was willing to quietly step aside and let someone else have the position. That shows a maturity that I'm certain I would not have had at his age - and that in some instances I probably still don't demonstrate. I'm very thankful also that I have uninvolved people who love me enough to listen and encourage me - thanks Sis.

One more blessing - Son1 auditioned to be a member of Gospel Choir next year in high school. He had to learn and sing a song for the director as well as participate in an interview asking some tough questions - not least of it being pointed out that because of this he would be expected to behave differently - not like the world. (I wasn't in on the interview or his responses so I can't quote them). Anyway.....he made it and is now the only male member of Gospel Choir for next year!

To Go or Not to Go

That was the question of the morning. We had ice overnight - 1st service at church was cancelled, 2nd service was not. After thinking it over - and going out and inspecting the driveway and road I decided that I was not going to go out and drive anywhere for at least another couple of hours. Our driveway is ice and slush covered with a majority of it having a solid coat of ice underneath - parts are completely ice. It's just not worth the risk of sliding off the road, damaging the car or injuring myself or the boys. Later I will have the boys go out to shovel off as much of the slush as they can manage to move - we are supposed to get snow again overnight and tomorrow. I expect though that we will go to school tomorrow - we are now out of snow days so I'm sure that it will take alot to have those that make the decisions decide to cancel.

Angry Mama Bear

Son1 came home from church last night and said "Mom I have some news". Apparently after he was all set up to lead worship time for the grades 1-5 one of the younger kids (younger than him) came up to him and said "oh you aren't leading worship anymore." Being as this girl was younger than him he went to the leader who'd recruited him to do this in the first place - she was almost as surprised as he was about it. Apparently this girl and who-ever else was on the Sunday morning worship team for this age group had decided to use Wednesday evening worship as their practice time. They had approached MaryAnne - the adult leader and she had said that Son1 wanted to finish out the year doing this so they would have to co-ordinate with him. Instead of doing that, this girl just simply told him they didnt' need him anymore. Son1 was obviously somewhat disappointed about it - he felt like he had committed to a year doing this and wanted to finish out the year - and just as obviously (to me) was attempting to look at the positive side of things - realizing that since track season is coming up he might not be as available so this will take some pressure off of him. Track meets are generally on Tues. and Thursday nights but practice often goes until after 5:00 pm on Wednesdays so it makes getting homework done a bit more challenging unless he's to stay up later than normal.

Me on the other hand - I'm angry. Somebody has done one of my "cubs" wrong and I'm the mama bear wanting to take care of it! I just feel like that was handled really really badly - there should have been some communication prior to when he was already set up. He should have been pulled aside and told that this was the last week he would be needed or there should have been some attempt to work together to get the songs planned ahead. And it definitely should have been handled by an adult not some girl who's at least 3 years younger than him (she's not in his SS class so she's not yet in middle school) My reaction may be wrong - and I'm trying to hold it in check but that was my reaction when he told me about it. At the same time, and more so now that I've slept on it - I'm also very very proud of the maturity he's demonstrating by looking at the bright side of this situation. And I realize I have to be careful not to let my anger/frustration affect how well he's handling it overall. This time writing it out isn't helping me either.

Day Off

They jsut cancelled school for today - due to the freezing fog and black ice. The major east west highway around here was closed for a time this morning due to accidents and there are many others being mentioned on the radio. I'm very thankful I don't have to drive in it. However the bushes, fences, trees and all are beautiful - coated with this layer of white frozen fog. I hope to go out and take some pictures in just a bit. Was just watching a brilliant red cardinal in my white-covered lilac bush - gorgeous! Will refill my birdfeeders when I go out to take pics. I thought I would enjoy my second cup of coffee first.

The question now becomes what to do with my day and my free time. We won't be driving anywhere due to the fact that I'm having car issues and the car is now parked until it's time to drive it to the dealership to get repaired. (My driver's seat back reclines but will no longer sit up unless it's propped up by something - it's neither particularly comfortable or really safe to drive). I had a amish run scheduled for last night but I called and cancelled it due to not feeling as in control of the car as I like to be. I could really have used the income and I know that the passenger to be was extremely unhappy with me - he asked if that was my only vehicle. However as a local friend pointed out "he will just have to accept that things happen that are out of my control". I will likely work on cleaning, scanning slides and possibly some scrapbooking. I really wish I could get my pictures printed at the photo shop but not this week. Maybe I'll try to figure out how to post some on here - we'll see.

Now I'm rambling - guess that means I need to finish this and move on to something else.

Freezing Fog

Well we are under a freezing fog advisory for tonight and tomorrow morning - they are expecting heavy fog and patches of black ice on the roads. Likely that will mean a 2 hour delay but I won't know that for sure until about 5:30 tomorrow morning. In the meantime I'm exhausted tonight and need to be heading to bed soon.

New Insight

Last night on the way to Bible study I realized that almost 4 years past Mike's death I'm finally beginning ot do the real work of grieving. It's not that I didn't accept it when it happened - I certainly didn't expect to experience the times when I expected him to come walking through the door (when it had been months since he'd walked anywhere, let alone gone anywhere alone) or the times I expected it to be him when the phone rang. But I think I did accept that he was gone. But I apparently denied/ignored the pain of that loss. I tended to try to cover it up by shopping whether I needed whatever I purchased or not. And it wasn't just for me - I would shop for the boys also - would get the things they wanted often whether I should have spent the money or not. Now I'm in a position where I simply can't do that - due to a variety of reasons - not least being my own health issues from the last year. It's been tough - I want desparately to be able to go shopping - to fill the freezer, fridge and cupboards with groceries, to be able to wear clothes that don't have worn spots in them and that fit, to get the books I want to read (and own).....but can't right now. On the one hand it's been good for me - both to re-evaluate what we truly need and to help to eliminate the clutter in our home. I'm much more able to walk into a store now and leave without actually purchasing anything. On the other hand, it's frustrating to have film to be developed or pictures that need printed and not be able to do it or not to be able to just go get something because it would make life easier. Anyway... this has forced me to realize that some of my shopping has been to deny the pain of losing my husband, my team-mate.....Shopping was not something that I used to do much of. However he was raised having the ability to get whatever he wanted whenever he wanted it. That rubbed off on me during the early years of our marriage - it was frustrating to me at times as it got us in trouble financially and it's something I vowed I would not allow to happen to my boys. Yet now that he's gone it's something I've done.

Boy this is a rambling post - and likely won't make much sense. But it's real - something major I'm dealing with right now. A major goal for this year is to make headway on getting control of my finances and along with that apparently is realizing that I've used shopping as a way to avoid dealing with grief. I don't know where I will end up going with this but....anyway. Son2 is now waiting on his turn on the computer so I'd better close for now.

Chocolate Chip Cookies and Towing

So yesterday my boss comes and plows us out - clears the driveway and the parking area at the top. I'm able to get the car out to go to town - and get back in. However I had to drop my bus off at the shop this morning to get a service and had to bring a spare home. So I do my best to take a run at the driveway - realizing the road was not clear enough to really get going. I get about halfway up and the wheels start spinning. So I back up - cant' get properly turned around because I'm afraid I will end up in the field across the road - and try again. Same result - only this time I end up with one set of rear wheels in a snow bank and I'm twisted partly sideways in the driveway - keep in mind this is all in a BIG YELLOW SCHOOL BUS. By this time I've radioed into the office - all I can do is wait for my boss to get there in his pick-up truck (full-size with a plow on the front). Thankfully I have a book with me so I'm able to kill some time - being as I can't get out to go get coffee or anything. So M (my boss) finally gets there - he has me back out again into the road, try going up again, then back out again and try going up backwards. Nothing works - except I get closer and closer to the drop-off to the field across the road. So then he tries - once - and decides that all we are going to do is put the bus in the field and he would rather just tow me up the drive. So I get towed uphill in a schoolbus in my own driveway. (and a sidenote - the county gets called to come lay down a heavy layer of salt/sand in front of my drive). So....I suspect that in the future the road in front of my place will be well-sanded and well plowed.

In the meantime.....I get to make a batch of chocolate chip cookies to deliver to the shop. That probably won't happen until early next week though as I'm scheduled to drive a field trip tomorrow and we are out of classes on Monday.

I was going to comment on how beatiful the drive was this morning - the countryside was white with relatively undisturbed snow - glistening silver in the sunlight. Many of the bushes and trees had a coating of some combination of hoarfrost and snow crystals on them - absolutely gorgeous. I would have loved to have been able to get out with my camera but that didn't happen. Hopefully I will be able to shake the headache I've had all day so far before my afternoon route - in a little over an hour.

Snow Day!

Yeah....there's finally enough snow for "good" sledding. My preference is to sled when there 8 or more inches of snow on the hill. Sure it makes for good exercise getting up the hill but it's much better going down - and less painful. So after Son2 and I moved the wagon (which shouldn't have been outside) into the barn we went and spent time sledding down the hill. He's not used to me enjoying it so much (my bad) so hopefully we made a good memory. Son1 on the other hand opted to come back inside after helping to get the wagon free - he's holed up in his room upset. Hopefully he will calm down and be able to talk it out. I'm sure some of it comes from not having the opportunity to run for hte last two weeks - due to being sick and other commitments at school.

In the meantime we are out of school again tomorrow. And I dont' have to shovel the driveway....my boss will plow me out! Apparently he has quite a list of drivers to plow out so he will be busy tomorrow. And by tomorrow night I'm sure I will be ready to get out - if only to the local store!

No Delay - A "Normal" Day

I had no idea how much better I would feel going back to a "normal" day after a week of not having much normalcy. I had no idea that the four days of delays was contributing to my slide downwards into depression. I'm still going back to the dr. today - need to figure something out long term but this is a start. I've learned that staying too busy is not good for me - I don't get quiet times then, I don't get creative time - I seem to need to take 20-30 minutes daily to either crossstitch or scrap or something similar in addition to my journalling and quiet time. I also find that when I'm too busy and not home the house slides into chaos and disaster which then gets into that downward spiral.

Son1 and Son2 were fighting this morning - I may insist that Son1 rides my bus this afternoon. Some of that will depend on how much it's snowed today - my other option is to have him go home and have both boys shovel the driveway so I can get the bus up. We will see.

Ok better go for now.

No Day Off

Ok....I fully admit - I wanted a snow day today. And honestly I think we should have had one. The roads were not terrible but they were not good. I guess they might have been better than they were yesterday afternoon but several of them on my bus route were not plowed yet - and it appeared that in most cases they weren't salted at all. Before I could even leave on my bus route this morning I spent an hour shoveling my driveway....that's after Son2 and I both did it yesterday. And I have more to do later. It's not that it's so deep one can't drive through it - it's simply that if one does not keep up with the shoveling it gets so slick that it's impassible. I think we are the only school district in the area that hasn't had a weather day off this week - in some cases today was the first day that many schools actually went.

So in spite of my frustration at not having a snow day today I'm trying to look at the positives. It is a beautiful sunny day - very very pretty out. While we didn't see deer during the route we saw lots of animal tracks. I'm not running Son1 to the dr. between routes so I might actually get some picking up done. It is slightly warmer than it's been all week. Shoveling is supposed to be really good exercise so maybe I'll be able to jump start my metabolism and lose some weight. That same exercise might actually help me sleep better and be less frustrated at things. And not having both boys home means I won't have them fighting. (Son1 is home because he's sick). Right now I'm going to finish my coffee, check out the blogs I follow and catch up on my email.

Snow

Well we are under another 2 hour delay for tomorrow morning. We've had one every morning this week. It certainly has so far made driving easier - we are out in daylight which makes stops easier. And the roads haven't been the issue so far this week - it's been the dangerously low windchills and temperatures.

It started snowing this morning shortly before 11:00 am. By the time I left the house at 11:15 to go visit a friend we had enough snow already on the ground to make my driveway (it was almost completely cleared off - lots of black top showing) and the roads white again. I shovelled the driveway before I left on my afternoon bus route and as fast as I cleared an area it turned white again. Son2 got off his school bus and started shovelling - I'm so thankful for him as I really don't believe that I could have got the bus up the hill without that. He said he shovelled each section twice - and again, as fast as he was clearing an area it was getting covered back up again. I should mention that we shovel the driveway in sections - beginning with "The Hill" at the bottom and working our way up. So....there will be additional shovelling to do in the morning and throughout the day tomorrow. The snow has now tapered off to be the great big "lazy" flakes. At a guess I would say we've already had 2 inches at least and roads are slick.

I am almost hoping for another snow day tomorrow.

Guess I'd better go work on dinner now....have no idea what to make though I guess I will do something with hamburger.

2 Hour Delay

We are already under a 2 hour weather delay for tomorrow morning. I'm rather glad as I wasn't looking forward to getting out and getting the bus going when it's this cold out. I'm plugged in but that doesn't necessarily mean that I will start. And I am thankful that the blowing and drifting snow hasn't really affected our driveway.

Today was a rather quiet day for the most part. We made church this morning tho I really thought that as sick as Son1 is he should have stayed home especially as he didn't have to sing this week. (He's running a fever tonight and has a major sinus headache). After that I got to take my normal Sunday afternoon nap and then spent some time scrapbooking - finally got page protectors on my 2003 album and for now will consider it done. I still haven't done Jan - Mar. of that year but really can't face handling those pictures. I also went through the last couple of years and pulled pictures from this house - I want to do before and after pictures throughout. That's still an ongoing process as even after 2 years I'm not done repainting and replacing stuff. But....I have a large stack of pictures to go through on this and more to take to update. I have decided that I really miss actually having prints in my hand to care for - since I got the digital camera I don't print my pictures. That's something I really really need to work on - goal for this week I think. (I also miss having changeable lenses but it will be awhile before I can do that.) I also started a puzzle - first one I've tackled in a year. Haven't got far yet but it will come.

Ok...better close for now.

Frigid Temperatures and colds

It's been several days since I've posted - have had thoughts of things to write about and just never done it - probably at least partly because I'm fighting illness again and just am too exhausted to put coherence into any thoughts.

It's bitter cold here - temperatures are in the single digits with windchills well below zero. I wanted snow but don't care much for these bitterly cold days. I have to admit I'm thankful that I'm not having to try and shovel in this wind. So far the driveway has stayed nice and clear even with the blowing and drifting snow - unlike the roads! After our snow day on Tuesday we had a 2 hour delay Wednesday morning then went to school. (Actually only the middle school, high school and one of the two elementary schools went - the other was out due to plumbing issues). Yesterday we got out early for "Teacher Inservice" - it's always nice to be released early on a Friday afternoon.

Son1 is now down with a stuffy nose, headache, etc. Today was his first day of feeling really miserable - hopefully he will sleep well tonight and be able to shake it fairly quickly. Son2 is on the mend from his cold of earlier in the week - he's probably the healthiest of all of us.

Ok....I'm going to finish reading some blogs and then head to bed. It's too late to get creative tonight - I haven't cross stitched in ages, nor have I scrapped much.