Bullying

Wow.....I learned something last night....definitely not a pleasant experience. I drove Son1's last middle school cross country meet last night. The students were wild on the way in - to the point that I actually pulled the bus over to teh side of the road for the safety of the students. I'm not generally as strict on a field trip or sports trip as I am driving my regular route. However nor will I allow students to sit in the aisle or on the top of seats - or to do backwards somersaults in their seat. So I pulled the bus over and had a couple of students change places so they were no longer sitting together and no longer sitting in the back of the bus. I'm comfortable doing that - though on a field trip or sports trip I would prefer that the coach handle discipline.

Anyway....we got there in one piece. So I'm walking back towards the bus to sit for a few minutes and work on some stuff when one of the mom's says "I need to talk to you". Long story short - she basically attacked me for encouraging my son to go to the school authorities about some issues involving her son(s). Her son(s) were not the only students involved in either case - and one of the cases had happened over a year ago. That one involved several students playing "keep away" with Son1's MP3 player that he used during off-season running. My issue wasn't with the fact that they were playing keep-away with it but that they were throwing it in other student's lockers. I felt that that was too easy a way to make something look like a setup - that a student could say "oh my.....is missing" and then Son1 would be blamed because he was the last one seen "in" the locker. So we together went to the principal. I knew parents were upset about that situation but didn't know which ones were - and though I cared I wasn't going to pursue it. So the second issue is that a new younger kid on the team has been picked on in the locker room - Son1 has stepped in several times in an attempt to get this stuff to stop and nothing has been effective. So I finally went and spoke to the head coach (who doesn't necessarily come to all the practices but he's officially the head coach) and without naming any names - except the child who was being picked on and my son's - let him know what was happening. I also let teh coach know that I could give him names if he wanted/needed them but I would prefer not to - which he understood and respected. He also said immediately that he had a pretty good idea of who was involved and that since the girls on the team had been fighting also he was aware there was some problems and that he would deal with the situation.
I left it go - put it out of my mind - not even connecting that there were kids from the same family involved both times. (During the team discussion names were not named - this mom learned about my son being the one to say something from another parent who I'd trusted and shared with).

I truly felt attacked - personally and publically and at the time did not have any adequate answers. She likely would not have listened anyway even though I attempted to suggest having a 3rd party listen in so it could be talked out - her words on that were "No I'm not a Tattletale!". I ended up walking away with a "Whatever" then turning back and letting her know that her son was one of the ones involved in the discipline issues on the bus. Now of course - hours later I can come up with responses though not always tactful ones. And I can completely understand why her boys are bullies - locker-room teasing may be "just kid stuff" but now a days it can't be ignored - and when it involves repeated put-downs, etc it is WRONG and is bullying.

I confess I'm still upset about the whole situation. It could have been handled much better and less publically then at a meet. However I am extremely proud of Son1 for standing up for the kids that are getting picked on - he knows the pain of being in that position and he's learning the right responses. And I personally don't believe that my actions were wrong in stepping in - in either of those cases. Unfortunately we will likely have to be involved with this mom for several years to come - and she is a "christian" also.

OK...this is long - and I had intended to not blog the painful stuff again - but any input or wisdom any readers have would be appreciated.