Boy I don't know where to start...last night I shared with my SIL a entry (unposted as of yet) about a decision I'd made to put out a "for sale by owner" sign on the house. The reasons for this decision are many and complicated...I freely admit to not being great with finances - and it's been worse since Hubby died. Rather than deal with issues, I've tended to overspend to "hide" the pain. However what put the cap on the decision was the fact that my real estate taxes didn't just increase over last year - they increased by more than 100%. Add to that the fact that my car is going to need replaced in the next couple of years and you see the need for some changes. Anyway...what I received back was a "hot" email from her husband basically saying that I needed to grow up, get a "real job" (as opposed to a job driving school bus) and leave my boys home alone so that I can pay the bills.

I admit that both boys are growing up - Son1 will soon be old enough to get a job of his own. However my strong feeling is that both boys still need me to be as available as possible - to attend their activities, be there to talk with them. A fulltime (40 hour a week) day job is not going to allow that at all. That kind of job would leave them home alone during the day during school breaks, and would not allow me the freedom to attend their activities. Add to that the fact that we really don't "need" this amount of space - we could manage well with less. Also I don't see any point in having a big house/space if you can't enjoy it - if you are gone working all the time.

Another option is to get a fulltime, 40 hour a week job working 3rd shift - hopefully with the ability to continue to drive school bus during the day. Granted that would mean I'd have to sleep during the day - but I can do that. And at least I'd be home during the day when the boys were home - so if they needed me, I could be available to them. Both boys admit that driving school bus is my "calling" - they know that I love it and the impact I can have on kids doing it.

Ok...I didn't share the above mentioned post to get jumped all over but because I trusted my SIL - she knows details of what's been going through my mind and because we married brothers we have a decent understanding of some of the issues we've both faced in our marriages.

I've rambled on enough for the time being. Later I'll write about the raspberries I've picked this morning and the baby kitties that I'm bottle-feeding.