Down

Tonight I'm struggling - and the light at the end of the tunnel looks very dim - not there. Some of it is my own mistakes & wrong choices, some of it is definitely the fact that I'm not feeling well complicated by the fact that I'm the only adult in the family and the one responsible for the house, the bills, everything...My boys are wonderful - I love them dearly but they absolutely don't see the need to help around the house. They've been good about letting me sleep the way I needed to today - 2 naps! But not at all good about stepping in and doing abit extra to help out. I hate with a passion having everything a mess but just don't seem able to get things cleaned up. What little energy I've had has been spent on getting Son2 to TaeKwonDo or Son1 running. I don't know how to prioritize getting things back in order - I've got to get another assignment sent in for my course, prepare for this wedding on Friday that I'm taking pictures at, get the house back in order, find a second job...the list goes on. I know that I'm not the only one struggling - and that my struggles are minor in comparision with others. And I know that things will look better in the morning - they usually do. We have TaeKwonDo first thing in the morning - a friend just called and she offered to pick Son2 up after Bible Study tomorrow to take him to play for abit - her middle son (oldest one at home) and my Son2 are only a year apart in age and get along well. When he goes over there I generally get quite abit done on the house - that always helps me emotionally.

If someone was to come up the drive and make me a cash offer on the house I would probably accept it and move - to someplace smaller and cheaper. However the likelihood of that happening is exceedingly slim - and I would hate to leave all my flowers and trees.

Ok...I'm being really open here - hope I won't regret putting this all out there. In the meantime, I'm off to bed.