It's been 10 years this month since we got the diagnosis that would change all our lives - actually the actual diagnosis was on 1/20/1997 - Mike's 30th birthday. We were told he had a brain tumor that looked like a glioblastoma, grade 4 - surgury was scheduled for a week later on the 27th. At that time Son1 was just over 4 and Son2 was 6 months old. God worked miracles - that tumor shrank to the size of a large grape and encapsulated - it literally rolled out into the surgeon's hand. They said they got it all and pronounced him "cured". For 18 months we had good health and believed the doctors. Then there was another tumor followed by treatment, followed by a period of good health, followed by a third tumor and a 4th. He died just over 6 years from the initial diagnosis - it was enough time for my boys to have some memories of their dad.
I'm thankful for the time we did have.....the memories we were able to make.....Having said that I'm really struggling this month and especially today. The boys have been fighting - seems like constantly - if not with each other then they are bucking me. Part of that is simply being boys and brothers....how much of it is grief? I question why I'm raising my boys alone - without a close male role model.....why I am often so lonely myself.....what could I have done differently and how......if we would have wound up as a divorce statistic instead of where we are now.....Today I struggle with seeing the positivies - instead I want to crawl into a hole and bury my head.
skip to main |
skip to sidebar
About Me
- Edith
- I am a newly-wed mom of 3 wonderful guys. They keep me extremely busy. I was widowed for 5 1/2 years and am now privileged to be newly wed to B. We are building on to his house - hoping to move before the holidays roll around. I was born and brought up in Africa - as an MK and would love to one day go back at least for a visit.
3 comments:
ah, edith. i cannot say i know how you feel, because i have never been where you are - but do know that i know loss and pain and questioning, and i empathize with you now. it hurts my heart to read your sadness..
My heart truly breaks with the sadness and grief I feel as I read this. I have really enjoyed the opportunity I had to meet your family, and it was really special to meet your boys. You have a couple of great sons, and I think you have done a wonderful job with them, considering all the circumstances. Know that I'm praying. (((HUG)))
I came across your site through google alerts. My husband was diagnosied in Dec 2005 with a glioblastoma. All MRI's have come back clean. Yeah... I don't know where is are in this journey today, but I am walking in your shoes.
www.caringbridge.org/visit/jameshare
Post a Comment