A picture may be worth a thousand words BUT only if the story-teller who took the picture is around! This has become so very real to me the past couple of days as I've sorted through pictures trying to find ones to put in my boys' memory books. I've got plenty of pictures of our early marriage years (and post-kid years) - a few of our dating years and even less of Mike's growing up years. And those few that I do have don't have meaning to me because I don't know the stories behind them. I do, for example, know that his family took a trip to Yellowstone, Mt. Rushmore and Disney - but I have no idea of when or how they travelled or what was special about the trip. There are no stories - funny or otherwise - associated with those pictures. It makes it really hard for me to make the childhood portion of the books/albums anything more than a static boring display of school pictures and other professional portraits. What I really want to include is some idea of who my husband was and what made him that way. On the other hand, this reality makes me realize the importance of journalling - the every day stuff not just the big events. And not necessarily to have all of it read by "everyone" but for the sake of leaving a legacy that is understood and has meaning.
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On a different note, Thursday night's track meet was cancelled so we all got to go to Grief Group. The meet was not cancelled until one of the drivers for it had actually shown up at the middle school and I was already on my afternoon bus route. It made for interesting radio chatter as drivers adjusted schedules and made new arrangements for their children. I even had to get on and ask someone to get ahold of Son1 to let him know that I knew it was cancelled so he would stop trying to reach me by phone. A good portion of this area was under a tornado watch so even though it was trying to be sunny out there was still weather concerns. And Grief Group was crowded! It seemed that since "everyone's" events were cancelled they all showed up. I just think it really shows how much it's needed and helpful to so many - but I was glad it wasn't my first time there because I likely wouldn't have gone back - too many strange people.
Last night Son1 and I went to the visitation for his classmate/teammate's mom. It was a 30 minute drive there and back and we were likely only at the funeral home for about 15 minutes. However I think it was important for Son1 that he was able to show support for his friend no matter how short a time we were there. We did not have a visitation for Mike - sometimes I question the wisdom of that for both myself and the boys. However after last night, Son1 at least says he's glad we didn't do that. He found it "creepy" to have the open casket in the room and I wasn't able to comfortably explain any reasons for a visitation. I left Son2 with friends as he didn't have any need to be there.
Son2 and I have a good part of the day to ourselves today. It's beautiful and sunny outside so we should be able to do some much needed mowing abit later. However Son2 is upset that he's home alone without Son1 and is not eager or willing to help wiht chores. So that could be a challenge as Saturday chores are requred anyway.
I've been on the computer for enough time for now - it's time to close off and get going on stuff.
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2 comments:
"On the other hand, this reality makes me realize the importance of journalling - the every day stuff not just the big events. And not necessarily to have all of it read by "everyone" but for the sake of leaving a legacy that is understood and has meaning."
That snippet really struck me - thanks so much for the reminder! I'm constantly reevaluating my use of my blog and other journaling options available to me, such as taking digital pictures on a more regular basis. So I've been trying hard to increase my attention on capturing these precious moments with friends and loved ones, as well as hurdles, deliberations, and struggles we work through.
Regarding the grief group, I remember first thinking how wonderful of a resource it must be for your family and others who are going through similar experiences. It's tough for me to know what kinds of questions to ask about it or how to talk about it, similar to the difficulty I have with knowing what to say to friends who are going through times of grief and loss. But I've been wanting to ask you, what have been some of the most helpful aspects of the group? And what makes it work as well as it does? If you're interested and don't mind sharing some of your ideas/reflections about this sometime, then I'd love to chat about it with you! :)
Who was weird on Thursday night. I missed that, other than the crowded part!
As far as what a viewing is for, in my opinion. It is for people to say their goodbyes, plus to show support for the family that is grieving. Another reason to show how much they loved that person (to the family) if they knew them. To me it was just another part of the process, saying goodbye, celebrating their life (by having pictures of memories with family and friends.) Just my fellings on that.
Brenda
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