Looking Back

It seems appropriate today - on the 4th anniversary of my husband's death - to look at what I've been studying on Lot's wife. (I've been working my way through a book on the Women of the Bible). The first part of this is quoted from the book, the rest is my thoughts and hopefully insights.

Her Character: She was a prosperous woman who may have been more attached to the good life than was good for her. Though there is no indication she participated in the sin of Sodom, her story implies she had learned to tolerate it and that her heart had become divided as a result.

Her Tragedy: That her heart's choice led to judgement rather than mercy, and that she ultimately refused God's attempts to save her.

Key Scriptures: Gen. 18:16-19:29; Luke 17:28-33

"Lot's wife had only hours to live, though she never suspected it.......She must have welcomed the strangers (that her husband Lot brought home from the city gate) warmly for hospitality was a sacred trust in the ancient world.....She would have been aware of what when on at night when the men of the city came to the door....

Why did she turn, despite the angel's clear warning? Was her heart still attached to everything she left behind in the city - a life of comfort, ease and pleasure? Did she still have family trapped in the city?

The story of Lot's wife is a sad one isn't it? She is remembered less for who she was - wife, mother, daughter, sister - than for what she became - a pillar of salt?"

One of the major things that stood out to me was how comfortable Lot must have been to invite strangers that he had just met in the city gate to his home. Keeping in mind that the culture encouraged hospitality his wife must still have kept a very open, warm, welcoming open door - where extras to stay the night or for a meal didn't faze her at all. I confess that I'm certainly not that way - I would be frazzled if I had unexpected company - rushing around cleaning, preparing a meal, trying to make sure everything was "perfect" for company. I long to have a home that is welcoming like that but I'm nowhere near there currently.

The other way major thing is the question - Why did Lot's wife look back? What could she possibly have been thinking? Did she know that they had been entertaining angels? I picture them as tall handsome men - strong - the impression of strength comes from their ability to pull Lot back into the home and to take Lot, his wife and daughters by the hand and hurry them out of the city. In her situation what would my reaction have been? Would I have looked back - I certainly have the curiosity.

Then trying to apply that to myself today.....am I wrong to look back at my marriage and to grieve? Am I living too much in the past? How can I learn from the mistakes I made in our marriage, grow and move on? Will the pain ever end or decrease? Am I meant to continue alone - I know htat God is with me always but I mean alone without a teammate here on earth? What do I still have to learn?